Just In Time For Election Day: Pill That Cures Electile Dysfunction
DURHAM, NEW HAMPSHIRE-- Scientists from the Durham Impotence Center have recently developed a pill that guarantees to cure anyone suffering from the political affliction known as electile dysfunction. The idea for…
Police Brace For Pumpkin-Related Crime Wave This Halloween
FERNWOOD, UTAH-- Last Halloween, a group of pumpkins terrorized children and parents as they walked the streets in search of treats and police around the country are issuing warnings to…
It’s Official: The Russians Sunk The Titanic, Says Washington
WASHINGTON-- U.S. officials have recently confirmed that they have new evidence that suggests the Russians are responsible for the sinking of the Titanic, stating that the Kremlin invented a time…
Hillary Clinton Courts Deceased Voters
LANGLEY PARK, MARYLAND-- In a desperate attempt to take back the lead for president of the United States from arch rival Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton recently gave a spirited rally…
Latest Rage: People Relocating Their Genitals To Other Areas Of Their Body (NSFW)
BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA-- How would you feel if you were walking down the street and suddenly saw a man getting an erection out of the back of his shirt? To some…
Shocking Turn Of Events: Herculean Mouse Catches Cat
DENVER, COLORADO-- When most people think of playing a game of cat and mouse they automatically assume that a large, ferocious feline is chasing a tiny, skittish mouse, but not…
Iran Declares Bankruptcy After Blowing $150 Billion Nuclear Deal Money On Cadillac Escalades, Cristal, And Gold Jewelry
TEHRAN, IRAN-- Officials confirmed today that Iran has filed for bankruptcy and will be appearing before a judge on charges of tax evasion and owing back child support after mismanaging and spending the $150…
Food Companies Join Forces, Come Out With New Campaign To Push Genetically Modified Foods
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA-- A major food company based in San Francisco is leading the charge in an multi-million dollar ad campaign to push genetically modified foods, claiming that GMO is…
Burnt Toast? Disney Pulls Recipe For Toast After Fans Get Burned Up
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA-- After receiving numerous complaints and social media responses, the company decided to pull its recipe for the slow-cooked version of the bread that many people said was…
Government Creates Support Hotline For Illegal Immigrants Seeking Help For Illegal-Shaming
WASHINGTON-- Due to the increase of illegal-shaming across the country, officials have started a sanctuary hotline that illegal immigrants can call to seek emotional support whenever a citizen treats them…
New Totally Awesome Superhero ‘Rock Dude’ Coming Out With Own Movie
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA-- In the midst of an already major blockbuster summer with Avengers: Endgame making billions, yet another superhero movie called Rock Dude: Paper War will be setting theater screens on…
Supermarkets To Start Selling Pre-Masticated Food For People Too Lazy To Chew
WASHINGTON-- The United States Food and Drink Council recently gave food companies permission to start making and selling pre-chewed foods, giving millions of people an easier option than having to chew…
