SEAGULL ISLAND, FLORIDA– Some startling new evidence has been recently unearthed just in time for this year’s Columbus Day holiday that may change history as we know it.
Expert Michael J. McFly claims that Christopher Columbus, the man credited with the discovery of America and also as the first ship captain to use cabin boys for non sexual purposes, was in fact a time traveler who mistakenly traveled back in time to 1492 from the year 2018.
According to evidence, in 2018 Christopher Columbus, whose real name is also Michael J. McFly, will be visiting a small island off of Florida known as Seagull Island and will be riding horses that are hooked up to a futuristic high-powered antenna system that has the ability to harness the speed of a nearby seagull. And once 69 seagulls are present and registered into the complicated contraption, the antenna will give the horses enough speed to be able to travel back and forth in time.
It takes exactly the power of 69 seagulls to be able to send all that weight of the horses and man back and forth in time.
“The date can be set on the antenna,” McFly said to a Science Daily reporter. “Seagulls are the only birds known to man that have the innate ability to travel back and forth in time. That’s why when people are at the beach and they think that seagulls just swoop down seemingly out of nowhere, the birds are actually flying in from other times and dimensions. Their cackles are warnings that another seagull is flying into the present time”
After Michael J. McFly gets carried by seagull power back to 1492 where he ends up in Spain, due to the fact that seagulls are Spanish, he murders a drunken ship captain named Christopher Columbus and then steals the dead ship captain’s driver’s license and ship and heads for the New world in an effort to get back to Seagull Island so he can get back to the future to do it all over again.
“I know this evidence doesn’t make any sense whatsoever,” McFly added as he ate fried seagull legs. “But the Back To the Future movie was based on the real life of Christopher Columbus, which scientifically proves that my theory is correct.”
Once he arrives at Seagull Island, an American Indian named Doc helps Columbus with his journey back to the future by lending him his virile horses and using his stereotypical Indian powers to attract every hungry seagull within a 20 mile radius.
“In the future,” McFly added, “Doc is actually McFly’s boss at a local Indian casino.”
Since 2018 hasn’t actually arrived yet, the expert is not completely certain whether this startling new evidence will be true or not or whether he made the whole thing up as a distraction from the Columbus Day controversies that are currently taking place around the country.
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars