Brave NYPD Arrests Newborn Baby For Not Having Her Vaccine Card Inside Hospital
NEW YORK, NEW YORK-- Brave NYPD police officers stopped another dangerous anti-vaxxer from infecting anyone when they forcibly arrested a newborn baby almost immediately after the mother finished giving birth.…
Furious Transgender Swimmer Cries ‘It’s Not Fair’ After UPenn Allows Dolphin To Compete On Swim Team
PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA-- In an ironic twist, the transgender swimmer who recently destroyed all the girl's records at a meet last month is now calling out the University of Pennsylvania's unfair…
Vampire In New Blade Movie Being Recast As Pansexual Werewolf
HOLLYWOOD-- In an effort to be more dynamic and inclusive, the producers for the upcoming Blade reboot have decided to scrap the traditional straight, black vampire character in favor of…
M&Ms Faces Major Backlash After Introducing New Straight White Male Character
HACKETTSTOWN, NJ-- Mars, Incorporated is facing major backlash from progressives after the M&Ms candy company recently introduced a new straight, white male character in an effort to be more inclusive,…
CNN’s Brian Stelter Gets Brutally Roasted Once Again By Cursing Callers
https://youtu.be/tFlLvq0BElE (SATIRE) CNN’s Brian Stelter was once again in the hot seat as livid viewers called in and were even more brutally honest about their feelings toward him than they…
Local Man Quits Vaccine Addiction For Much Safer Heroin Habit
SEATTLE, WASHINGTON-- In an effort to wean himself off the more hardcore drugs, a local man named Alan Cummings has given up his deadly COVID vaccine addiction and has taken…
Biden Appoints Sergeant Klinger From M*A*S*H To Chairman Of Joint Chiefs Of Staff
WASHINGTON-- Due to General Mark Milley getting ready to retire, Joe Biden was forced to quickly fill the position and decided to appoint Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger from the hit…
CNN Chief Medical Correspondent Dr. Evil Says Joe Rogan Spreading Medical Misinformation
ATLANTA, GEORGIA-- In an effort to combat dangerous medical misinformation being propagated by non-corporate alternative media, CNN interviewed their chief medical correspondent Dr. Evil who said that Joe Rogan has…
Freedom-Loving Hawaiian Refugees Fleeing To Florida To Escape Oppressive Hawaii Regime
HONOLULU, HAWAII-- With the government of Hawaii becoming more authoritarian by the day, patriotic, freedom-loving Hawaiian citizens have decided to brave the rough waters of the Pacific Ocean by using…
Biden Scoffs At Critics, Says Empty Grocery Shelves Help Fatties Lose Weight
WASHINGTON-- Despite all the criticism he's received for the massive amount of bare shelves in supermarkets across the country, Joe Biden balked at his detractors and claimed that having hardly…
COVID Says It’s Happy To Be Finally Rid Of AOC
NEW YORK, NEW YORK-- COVID-19 has made a full recovery and is now reflecting on its awful time after contracting the AOC virus, saying it was a horrible, painful experience…
Hillary Clinton Says She Can’t Be Racist Because Husband Bill Had An Affair With A Black Woman
WASHINGTON-- With Hillary Clinton recently hinting that she may run for president in 2024, old skeletons inside her closet began reappearing once again, including the one where she's been accused…
