WASHINGTON– While multiple states are still suffering from the deadly effects of Hurricane Helene, President Joe Biden showed his compassion for the thousands of hurricane victims and their families by having Secret Service agents drive him down to a local ice cream shop and then only get one scoop of ice cream on his cone instead of the usual two scoops.
As he walked back to his limo, Biden spoke to news reporters and told them that the disastrous hurricane that caused substantial damage and killed hundreds of people has touched his blackened soul and the best way he could think of to show his empathy and help the residents of Tennessee, North Carolina, and Florida was to get one less scoop of ice cream.
“Oh dammit, this is so terrible, I just spilled ice cream on my shirt,” said Biden as he licked ice cream off his wrinkled nose. “This was my favorite shirt too, Jack. You see, I know just how those folks are suffering because I too have just suffered by getting this tasty treat all over my clothes.”
Biden went on to say that his handlers informed him that the best way for him to respond to the hurricane disaster was to pretend like he doesn’t know what’s going on, similar to how him and Kamala Harris have handled similar situations during their administration, such as East Palestine, Ohio and Maui, Hawaii.
At publishing time, the White House was pleased to announce that they were finally going to help the hurricane victims by sending another $69 billion to Ukraine, Israel, and Taiwan.
