Police Arrest Gas Stove For Attempting To Suffocate Its Roommate
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA-- Another dangerous gas stove was taken off the streets…
Biden Awards Presidential Citizens Medal To Hannibal Lecter For Reducing Climate Change By Eating People
WASHINGTON-- As a way to honor regular American citizens who have contributed…
Gazelle Family Christmas Kind Of Awkward After Daughter Brings Home Lion For Holiday
KENYA, AFRICA-- A Christmas family gathering became awkward very fast after a…
Woke Santa Tells Disappointed Children All Their Gifts Going To Ukraine This Year
NORTH POLE-- In an effort to both end systemic, racist climate change…
Buff High School Girl Easily Defeats Competition To Win State Wrestling Tournament
DERRY, NEW HAMPSHIRE-- A young high school girl has surprisingly defeated every…
Christmas Cancelled After Justin Trudeau Has Santa Claus Euthanized
OTTAWA, CANADA-- This year's Christmas has been officially cancelled after Canadian Prime…
Canadian Restaurants Offering Free Fries For Proof Of Euthanasia
OTTAWA, CANADA-- In an effort to get as many Canadians euthanized as…
Governor Newsom Gives Sharks Reparations For Hundreds Of Years Of Racial Oppression
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA-- Spurred by the recent The Washington Post article claiming racist…
Biden Soils Himself On Live TV To Show Dominance Over Putin
WASHINGTON-- After western news media outlets reported that Vladimir Putin soiled himself…
Dr. Fauci Enjoys Delicious Thanksgiving Beagle With Friends And Coworkers
WASHINGTON-- Retiring Dr. Fauci has decided to take a break from his…
Biden Wishes Everyone ‘Happy Easter’ In Touching, Heartfelt Thanksgiving Message
WASHINGTON-- News Media outlets are praising Joe Biden's early morning inspiring Thanksgiving…
Democrats Introduce Bill To Abort Babies Up To 1,095 Weeks Old
WASHINGTON-- Going off of the momentum of their totally legitimate midterm wins,…
