Martians Starting To Feel Like Aliens On Their Own Planet After Influx Of 10 Million Earthling Settlers
JEZERO CRATER, MARS — Gazing out over a red, dust-swept valley now…
Tragic: King Charles Forced To Squeeze His Own Toothpaste After Royal Valet Called Out Sick
LONDON, UK — The Union Jack is flying at half-mast above Buckingham…
Scientists Rediscover Rare White Canadian Species Thought To Be Extinct
BRAMPTON, ONTARIO — In a stunning breakthrough that has captivated the global scientific…
Britain Solves Spanish Border Crisis By Dispatching Ferry To Bring Moroccans Directly To The UK
LONDON, UK — Declaring that every international crisis is merely an opportunity…
German Leaders Praise Terrorist Suspect For Ramming Pride Attendees Rather Than Throwing Them Off Rooftops
BERLIN, GERMANY — In a stunning display of progressive optimism following Saturday’s…
Larry The Cat Caught Carrying Giant Rat Out Of Downing Street By The Scruff Of Its Neck
LONDON, UK — Onlookers gathered outside 10 Downing Street erupted into applause…
Keir Starmer Steps Down As Prime Minister To Spend More Time With His Local Grooming Gang
LONDON, UK — Bringing an end to one of the least popular…
Canada Announces $100 Billion Ukraine Aid Package To Combat Canadian Wildfires
OTTAWA, CANADA — With record wildfires continuing to burn across Canada while…
UK Police Detain Suspicious Man For Going Entire Week Without Being Stabbed
LONDON, UK — The Metropolitan Police confirmed that officers have arrested a…
Mark Carney Celebrates Grocery Inflation Slowdown After Canadians Can No Longer Afford Groceries
OTTAWA — Touting a massive economic victory for the middle class, Prime…
British Man Charged With Assault After Bruising Attacker’s Knuckles With His Face
LONDON — In a stunning display of modern, progressive crowd control, the…
Tearful Mark Carney Uses Canada Day Address To Thank Millions Of Indian Immigrants For Replacing Nation’s White People
OTTAWA, ONTARIO — Wiping away tears during a deeply emotional, nationally televised…
