Mailboxes Renamed Gender-Neutral Boxes To Avoid Discrimination
WASHINGTON-- In an ongoing effort to avoid discrimination by either including or excluding everyone, the United States Postal Service has renamed mailboxes across the country to gender-neutral boxes after numerous…
Afghan Man Wins World Beard Growing Contest
KABUL, AFGHANISTAN-- Few sights represent terrorism and strike fear in people more than the long-bearded extremist. Trying to wean the world off of pogonophobia, the extreme dislike of beards, the world Olympic…
Scientists Use Stem Cells To Grow Penises On Trees
TOKYO, JAPAN-- For the first time ever, scientists in Japan have used stem cells to grow adult-sized penises on the bark of trees. Making history around the world, the Japanese…
Entire Audience Goes Blind After Watching The View
NEW YORK, NEW YORK-- An audience of 150 people has gone blind after sitting through an entire episode taping of ABC's The View in a case that has been baffling…
Woman Gets Pregnant After Homeless Man Ejaculates Into Pool
OCEAN CITY, MARYLAND-- Defying all laws of science, a 22 year old woman has become pregnant after a local 61 year old homeless man ejaculated into the filter of a public…
Baby Injured After Being Dropped By Stork
WOONSOCKET, RHODE ISLAND-- A newborn baby was injured after falling from a stork's mouth on his way to being delivered to his new parents, forcing governmental regulators to question the competency of…
New Movie, Steve Jobs: What I Ate For Breakfast, Hits Theaters
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA-- A fresh new movie on the rarely covered genius Steve Jobs will be hitting theaters across the world in June, making this the 89th biopic on the greatest…
Fecal Matters, Says Defecation Rights Group
SMELTIT, GEORGIA-- A fecal rights group out of Smeltit has filed a lawsuit against Congress after they recently passed a controversial Toilet Paper Recycle bill, putting the ubiquitous fecal in the dangerous position of being out of…
Heart Attacks Man In Central Park
NEW YORK, NEW YORK-- Police in New York are on the lookout for a Heart that attacked a man in Central Park yesterday, causing a city-wide panic as residents and…
Last Living Nazi Boots Tried For War Crimes
BERLIN, GERMANY-- The last living pair of Nazi Boots was found and apprehended on Sunday after a decades old search for the elusive war criminal started seeming as though it…
Pervert Wanted For Painting Sleeping Women’s Feet
TEMPE, ARIZONA-- Police are on the lookout for an unidentified man who has broken into numerous women's homes at night and painted their feet while they were sleeping. According to police, the suspect is…
Foot Jobs Are A Great Start For Teen Girls
ORLANDO, FLORIDA-- Have you ever wondered how some teens get their feet wet in the professional world, gaining experience for a lifetime of employment? Long gone are the days of lazy teen…
