First Squirrel Ever Appointed As Mayor Of Boston
BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS-- Boston's first squirrel was appointed as mayor of Boston on Monday by an overwhelming majority and the new mayor plans to do the complete opposite of his predecessor,…
Bernie Sanders Forgets Which Country He’s Campaigning For
SANTA FE, NEW MEXICO-- Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders made a minor flub today while giving a speech in Santa Fe, saying that although he can't remember which country he's running for,…
Man Ruptures Colon In Farting Contest
PUZZA, INDIANA-- A 21 year old college student was taken to the emergency room today for a ruptured colon after a flatulence contest went afoul. According to ABC News, Puzza University…
Name-Calling Lands Teen In Hospital
PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND-- A teen girl from Providence was taken to the emergency room Sunday after several other girls started calling her names and making fun of her, disproving the…
Police Shoot Clown For Honking His Nose
FUNSTOWN, NEW YORK-- A circus clown who had walked through a residential neighborhood in full clown makeup while honking his big red nose was shot and killed by police, according to the…
New Racist Dating Site Gets Over One Million Members In Less Than A Month
LYNCHBURG, VIRGINIA-- Dating just got even more hateful. Racist Date, a newly launched free dating site marketed strictly for racists, has reached over one million members and the numbers keep…
Shocking: You’ll Never Guess What Happened After This Photo Was Taken
RUST, GERMANY-- An extremely shocking thing happened at the world-famous Europa Park in Rust on Thursday. A group of children were riding in one of the attraction's water rides when something…
This One Trick Will Drive Beautiful Women Crazy
DALLAS, TEXAS-- After 20 years of study, researchers at the Dallas Study Center came up with one surefire method that men can use that's guaranteed to drive beautiful women crazy. This secret…
Kim Kardashian Gets Horse Head Transplant To Boost Ratings
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA-- In an effort to boost sagging ratings for her faltering reality show, Kim Kardashian recently had a horse head transplant procedure performed live on camera, with millions of…
Man Receives First Transplant In The United States
FAUNA, RHODE ISLAND-- A man whose house plant was born male has received the first trans-plant in the United States at the Fauna Medical Center, now recognizing the plant as a…
Edward Snowden Voted Most Likely To Keep A Secret In High School
BALTIMORE, MARYLAND-- Former United States government contractor and infamous whistle-blower Edward Snowden was voted most likely to keep a secret, according to former classmates at the school where he took his…
New Sex Cream Helps Chimps Last Longer In Bed
BALTIMORE, MARYLAND-- Scientists from Baltimore Animal College confirmed Tuesday that they've invented a sex cream called Potent Primate made specifically for chimpanzees, saying that most chimps are embarrassed by their…
