USPS And UPS Merge Into One Company
WASHINGTON- The United States Postal Service has recently acquired the world's largest packing delivery company UPS in the biggest merger since someone placed jelly onto their peanut butter sandwich. The…
Rubber Band Puts Out New Album
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA-- Coming off a three year hiatus from pursuing solo projects, pliable progressive rock band trio Rubber Band released a new album titled Hold On To Me, delivering 12 blistering rock…
Santa Claus Fined For Hiring Illegal Elves
NORTH POLE-- One of the world's most cherished figures and bringers of joy to billions of children around the world Santa Claus has been fined by the North Pole labor…
Drinking Excess Beer Boosts Spread Of Leaka Virus
DALLAS, TEXAS-- Last year, a strange new virus called Leaka Virus made headlines when an outbreak began in Mexico's Margarita section and quickly spread to neighboring countries and college frat…
Lawyer Sues Self For Identity Theft
BRIGHAM, ALABAMA-- In what some are calling a case of mistaken identity, an eccentric copyright lawyer from Alabama is suing his own self for what he's claiming is identity theft. Harold…
Switzerland No Longer Neutral, Makes First Decision In 200 Years
ZURICH, SWITZERLAND-- A major event happened today in the oldest neutral country in the world. Self-imposed and permanently armed Switzerland has finally decided to give up its status as the…
Cat On Lunesta Mauls Owner To Death
TOPEKA, KANSAS-- A 59 year old Topeka woman was mauled to death early this morning by her pet cat after giving the frisky feline a Lunesta pill in an effort…
Lassie’s Death Ruled Illuminati Hit Job
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA-- Famous beloved dog actor Lassie's unexplained death has finally been solved and has been ruled as an Illuminati hit job, according to new evidence discovered after digging up…
Kanye West Named ‘Kanye West Of The Year’
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA-- In yet another slow news day, Kanye West has been all over various media outlets after being named "Kanye West of the Year" for the 38th year in a…
Obama Orders Anti-Anti Gun Law
WASHINGTON-- Flexing his executive muscles once again by writing his 5,123rd executive order this month, President Obama has recently ordered the controversial Anti-Anti Gun Law to take effect starting immediately, usurping…
It’s Official: Jason Statham Comes Out On Live TV
HOLLYWOOD-- Causing shock-waves throughout the entertainment industry and breaking the hearts of millions of adoring women around the world, tough guy Jason Statham came out on live television this afternoon…
Cigarettes Leading Cause Of Cigarette Smoke, Says Scientist
BRONX, NEW YORK-- A top vapor scientist from New York has recently discovered that the strange cigarette smoke following smokers around is actually caused by cigarettes. At a symposium inside the…
