First Squirrel Ever Appointed As Mayor Of Boston

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS– Boston’s first squirrel was appointed as mayor of Boston on Monday by an overwhelming majority and the new mayor plans to do the complete opposite of his predecessor, human Michelle Wu.

According to the Boston Nut newspaper, Boston’s council appointed Rocky Scrat as mayor on Monday. He will serve through the end of 2024, filling out the remaining term for Mayor Wu who was voted out by council members last week by an almost unanimous vote. It must be noted that 90% of Boston’s council is made up of squirrels.

“We needed some fresh blood in here,” said Councilman Chip Nibbles, who’s also a squirrel. “Times are changing and unfortunately Michelle Wu couldn’t keep up. Our squirrel population has grown substantially over the past decade. Squirrels now outnumber humans 5 to 1 in Boston and we needed a guy who could relate to the majority of citizens better. Nothing personal against Mrs. Wu.”

Current mayor Rocky Scrat knows former mayor Michelle Wu personally, since he used to live in an oak tree on Wu’s property and dig into her trashcans whenever he was hungry.

“Michelle’s a nice girl,” said Mayor Scrat, chewing on a pine cone. “She used to get a little grumpy when I’d rip through her trash and eat all her vegetables from her garden, but other than that we got along great.”

Scrat, 3, who’s lived in Boston his entire life, has never served in an elective municipal office before, but is a member of Boston’s peanut gathering board. He will resign from that position because he obviously cannot hold that position now that he’s mayor.

“I’m gonna lead Boston toward the future,” Scrat said as he scratched his ear with his foot. “With squirrels now outnumbering humans by such a huge margin, we really need to focus most of our attention on the majority, which means less squirrel-proof bird-feeders and squirrel-only roads so that we can safely cross streets without having to be worried about getting run over by dangerous cars.”