Kim Kardashian Gets Horse Head Transplant To Boost Ratings

HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA– In an effort to boost sagging ratings for her faltering reality show, Kim Kardashian recently had a horse head transplant procedure performed live on camera, with millions of teenage girls tuning in to watch the fabulous, hip procedure.

On the last episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kris Jenner convinced a hesitant Kim to get the horse head transplant, telling her that, not only would this be great for television, but it would also open up a whole new opportunity to make money by selling equine products to future preteen girls who decide to undergo the hip surgical procedure.

“Everyone’s doing this nowadays,” Kris told Kim as her daughter was being prepped for surgery. “Just think about how beautiful you’re gonna be and how teenage girls across the world will look up to you for your bravery.”

Horse head transplants, although common, are not without their risks, says Beverly Hills veterinarian Dr. Ed Flicka.

“Of course we’ve performed thousands of these procedures,” Dr. Flicka said confidently, showing reporters a before and after photo of Kim. “As you can see from Mrs. Kardashian’s photo, this procedure was a success. Although, it does take some time for the patient to get used to looking at a different face in the mirror everyday. Initially, the horse DNA and the human DNA often clash, fighting each other for supremacy. So basically, Mrs. Kardashian may eat hay for a while, sleep standing up, and neigh during sex.”

After the procedure, Kris invited cameras into Kim’s hospital recovery room to make sure that every single second of the event was recorded. She then forced the entire film crew to sign waivers saying that they wouldn’t stare at Kim’s new face or make horse jokes.

“Thank you all for coming,” said Kim between whinnying, already posting photos to Instagram. “I just want to let all my fans know that I’m okay, but for some reason I have this sudden urge to have someone ride on my back.”

The crafty businesswoman Kris informed the audience that a new line of cosmetics will be coming out next week called Kardashian: Ultra Beast.

“We have everything covered,” Kris said as she showed off a few of the beauty items for the cameras. “Here’s a horse head shampoo that’ll be retailing for $399 a bottle. And here’s a beauty cream called Hoof Prints for girls who were brave and got horse head transplants. We purchased the rights to Hoof Prints from a woman who appeared on Shark Tank.”

Look for the Kardashian: Ultra Beast horse head line to hit retailers before Kim even recovers from the surgery.