FAUNA, RHODE ISLAND– A man whose house plant was born male has received the first trans-plant in the United States at the Fauna Medical Center, now recognizing the plant as a female.
Lou Fern, a 48 year old florist from Oakwood, sat in the hospital waiting room while his male plant underwent the 15 hour trans-plant operation on May 5. The plant had all of its stamens removed, making this the first successful trans-plant procedure to date. Several trans-plant surgeries have been attempted in the past, but with little success. Plants that underwent the botched surgeries ended up being thrown into trashcans immediately afterwards.
“My only concern is for my plant,” Mr. Fern told reporters while waiting for the surgery to finish. “I support my plant in his decision to become a woman and I hope that all this exposure helps other people to be able to accept their plants if they also choose to undergo trans-plant surgery.”
One of the trans-plant surgeons, 44 year old Dr. Mike Flora, was uncertain prior to the trans-plant surgery because these types of procedures are not only risky, but have very low success rates.
“Yeah, I was kinda worried,” said Dr. Flora, his surgical scrubs covered in the plant’s dirt. “A lot of pressure was on our shoulders after all the past failures, so I did a little extra research on the best ways to rip off parts of plants. Don’t tell anyone, but I spent a little time in my neighbor’s yard ripping flowers off all his rose bushes.”
If everything goes according to plan, says Dr. Flora, the trans-plant will finally get to live the life it was supposed to.
“On the outside, this plant may have been male,” he said, “but internally he was born a woman. Who’re we to stop someone from being who they’re supposed to be. Now this trans-plant will finally be able to wear the clothes it feels most comfortable in, use whatever bathrooms it wants, and possibly get a reality show to showcase the experiment to the world.”
Unfortunately, due to the government’s internal bickering, use of women’s bathrooms may have to be put on hold.
“Maybe someday the world will be more accepting to trans-plants,” Fern added as he posted photos of his trans-plant to Facebook.
Visitor Rating: 3 Stars
I wonder how many plants die at the hands of surgeons. Are doctors covered for medical malpractice for plants?
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars