Eating Candy For Breakfast Is Healthy, Claims 8 Year Old
PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA-- An 8 year old boy has made headlines in the news lately after claiming that eating candy for breakfast is a healthier alternative to whole foods, such as eggs,…
Police Chief Resigns Amid Doughnut Scandal
DRY HEAVE, MINNESOTA-- Dry Heave lost its police chief on Thursday as it struggles with allegations that a majority of the police officers had been eating fresh fruits and vegetables,…
Psychiatrist Puts Woman Under Hypnosis Under Hypnosis
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA-- A top psychiatrist has figured out how to put someone under what he calls "double-hypnosis", meaning that someone who has already been hypnotized is placed under another round of…
Donald Trump: My New Book Is Beautiful
OULU, FINLAND-- In the midst of the presidential race, Republican candidate Donald Trump recently released yet another book that he guarantees is the most beautiful book the world has ever seen.…
Government To Make Talking Traffic Lights To Help Blind Drivers
WASHINGTON-- Starting early next year, drivers will hear new sounds every time they pass traffic lights. Officials in Washington recently passed a bill to convert every traffic light across the nation into…
Hawaii To Start Using Emoticons On License Plates
HONOLULU, HAWAII-- Hawaii officials have recently implemented new regulations to cut down on the high amount of rude drivers in the state by placing emoticons on all license plates. Officials…
By 2035 The United States Will Migrate Back To England, Promises Scientist
LONDON, ENGLAND-- A top British scientist has confirmed through vigorous studies that by the year 2035 the United States of America will migrate back to jolly ole England, uniting the…
Man Labeled Crazy For Claiming That Q-Tips Cleaned His Ears
TOPEKA, KANSAS-- A Topeka man was taken to a local mental institution after claiming that Q-tips had cleaned his ears. Friends and family say that the man has been going through…
Investors Open Up An All-You-Can-Eat Warren Buffett
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA-- A group of wealthy investors recently opened up an all-you-can-eat Warren Buffett, much to the delight of millions of fledgling entrepreneurs who before could only dream of…
Academy Award-Winning Actress Glenn Close Becomes Suddenly Distant, Says Friends
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA-- Versatile Hollywood actress Glenn Close, who friends say they've known as being Close her entire life, has recently changed her last name to Suddenly Distant. In an interview…
Pepé Le Pew Faces Multiple Sexual Assault Charges
PARIS, FRANCE-- Paris police today arrested celebrity skunk Pepé Le Pew in connection with the alleged drugging and sexual assault of numerous female costars. The arrest comes three days after a judge rejected…
Men’s Group Demands Pregnancy Rights
SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH-- A men's rights group out of Utah is petitioning Washington to be able to have equal rights with women when it comes to pregnancy, citing that…
