HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA– Versatile Hollywood actress Glenn Close, who friends say they’ve known as being Close her entire life, has recently changed her last name to Suddenly Distant.
In an interview with Entertainment Tonight’s Kevin Frazier, the talented actress explained why she decided to become Suddenly Distant after being so Close her entire life.
“I wanted to get away from my old persona,” Glenn Suddenly Distant told Frazier from halfway across the room. “For my entire life, I’ve had to live with the stigma of being so Close, which meant constantly shaking people’s hands, having to talk face to face with actors with questionable oral hygiene, and taking endless promo photos with my costars for upcoming movies.”
After putting a hearing aid into his ear to hear what Suddenly Distant was saying, Kevin Frazier turned on his megaphone to speak to the actress.
“Wow, that’s great, Glenn,” Frazier screamed into the megaphone. “But seriously, Glenn, what gives? I mean, you were so darn Close your whole life and now you’re so gosh darn Suddenly Distant. Wow, what gives, Glenn?”
“I prefer being called Suddenly Distant,” Suddenly Distant corrected, moving her chair even farther away from a screaming Frazier. “That’s why I’m having every single place that has my old name Glenn Close changed to Glenn Suddenly Distant. I know it’ll be a small burden to have all the credits of every movie that I ever starred in changed to say Glenn Suddenly Distant, but I’ll manage. Thanks for asking.”
Look for Glenn Suddenly Distant to appear very far away from George Clooney in her next flick Keeping My Distance.
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