BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS – In what researchers are calling a major breakthrough in the field of obesity studies, a new report published Friday by the Foundation for the Advancement of The Science of Obesity (F.A.T.S.O.) has found that obese women are significantly more likely to be fat than women who are not obese.
The nine-month study, which examined 99 women of varying body sizes, found that nearly all of the women classified as obese also met the criteria for being fat, leading researchers to conclude that the two conditions may be closely related.
“We were stunned by the results,” said lead researcher Dr. David Banner. “For years, we’ve suspected that obesity might have something to do with being fat, but until now, nobody had bothered to investigate the possibility in a controlled scientific setting.”
According to the report, researchers at F.A.T.S.O. carefully measured each subject’s body mass, compared the results against established obesity classifications, and then assessed whether the women appeared fat. The findings showed a strong correlation between the two variables, with researchers noting that the relationship was particularly pronounced among women who were, in fact, obese.
However, Banner’s excitement over the findings soon gave way to frustration when he realized that nine months of intensive research had produced a conclusion he could have reached by looking at the subjects, causing the scientist become extremely angry and demolish the laboratory and destroying the original research data.
At press time, Banner remained at large, while F.A.T.S.O. announced plans to commission a follow-up study examining whether scientists who become angry are more likely to lose their temper.
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