WASHINGTON– During his visit to the United States, Prime Minister Keir Starmer sat with US President Donald Trump and told the entire world that the United Kingdom has freedom of speech, all the while his nose grew longer and longer on camera.
PM Keir Starmer was responding to a criticism by US Vice President JD Vance, who gave a speech recently about the rampant censorship happening under the UK government and arresting UK citizens for posting memes online.
“That’s ludicrous, the United Kingdom has the most free speech in the world,” promised Keir Starmer as his nose grew another three inches. “The United Kingdom has a long, proud history of protecting UK citizen’s freedom of speech and expression. We have never censored anyone, have never arrested anyone for posting memes online, and citizens are permitted to do or say whatever they please. That is the honest truth, or my name isn’t Keith Stallone.”
After every statement he made about how much freedom of speech there is in the UK, Starmer’s nose grew a few more inches longer, eventually poking Trump in the eye due to the nose’s great length. “I dare anyone to find even one example of the UK government punishing anyone for their words. You’re allowed to say whatever you want in the UK, even about immigrants, Muslims, transgender women, or criticizing the way I’m doing my job as the greatest prime minister in UK history.”
Once the meeting between Starmer and Trump had ended, White House personnel were forced to remove a few walls so that the prime minister and his thirty-foot long nose could exit the building.
