Elusive Billionaire George Soros Admits To Rigging Voting Machines So That Both Trump And Clinton Win
MAL, NEW YORK-- Hungarian-American billionaire businessman George Soros admitted this morning on live shortwave radio that he has once again rigged his voting machines to elect our next president. Shocking…
Sharks: Please Stop Comparing Us To Lawyers
HONOLULU, HAWAII-- Sharks from every corner of the globe recently held a meeting in the waters off the coast of Honolulu to discuss the past, present, and future ramifications of being constantly…
Carrot Beats Usain Bolt In Olympic First-Round 100 Meter
RIO DE JANEIRO-- Dominating the first-round of the 100 meter was the newcomer known only as Carrot. Carrot easily beat out fan favorite Usain Bolt with a time of 6.09, which…
Man With Double Kangaroo Leg Transplant Wins World Kickboxing Tournament
SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA-- Australia's leading kickboxer Lawson "The Marsupial" Fredrikson has won the world kickboxing title in a quick match against Kuro "The Mouse" Akiyama from Japan, making him the very first part-man,…
Gun Uses Man To Kill 20 Guns In Mass Punching
SOUTHPAW, ARIZONA-- Twenty guns were killed yesterday and many others were damaged by a man-wielding gun in a human-free zone, police said. Punches erupted in the parking lot of the Southpaw Yoga Center…
Unorthodox Meteorologist Predicts The Weather Correctly Every Time (NSFW)
JASPER, WASHINGTON-- Think predicting the weather is difficult? For most meteorologists it is, but for one weatherman, predicting the weather is as simple as making vague assumptions. Meteorologist Danny "The…
Man Arrested For Not Driving Drunk
IMMOBILE, ALABAMA-- An Immobile man was arrested Friday after getting stopped by police for driving the speed limit and then passing a sobriety test and has been ordered to surrender his…
911 Operator Calls 911 On Woman Calling 911 On 911 Operator
NOTFALL, VERMONT-- In what turned out to be a complete waste of time and money, a female 911 operator and another woman repeatedly called 911 on each other yesterday after the…
Pope Francis: The World Is At Warcraft
KRAKOW, POLAND-- During a visit to Poland's annual video game convention, Pope Francis told the large crowd of gamers that, not only is playing Warcraft his favorite pastime, but that…
New Fitness Craze Dumba Fitness Gaining Popularity
SEATTLE, WASHINGTON-- A new fitness program out of Seattle called Dumba Fitness has been quickly gaining a following due to its unorthodox style and its ability to alter the body so…
Ted Cruz Changes Last Name To Cruise In Honor Of Actor Tom Cruise
AUSTIN, TEXAS-- While on vacation with his wife in the United States from Canada, Texas senator Ted Cruz had his last name legally changed to Cruise, telling reporters that his…
Donald Trump Said What?
DES MOINES, IOWA-- Republican President Donald Trump has shocked everyone once again by saying the word "what" on live television in front of millions of people, including immature children and…
