WICHITA, KANSAS– A part-time janitor from Wichita who believes that the earth is square is set to launch into space on a homemade rocket.
Zachary “Insane” Pazzo, a 59 year old man who learned how to build rockets after watching a YouTube video, told reporters that he’ll be launching his YouTube-inspired rocket out of his own driveway, traveling about 800 mph.
The janitor says that he needed to obtain a yard sale permit from the city to be able to launch his rocket legally from his front yard.
After spending the $10 on the permit, city officials gave Pazzo the green-light to go ahead with takeoff.
“The government seemed more concerned with getting their ten bucks,” Pazzo said as he fueled his rocket for next week’s launch.
With all the flat-earthers now jumping on the square-earth bandwagon, many dating sites like “Square Earth Singles For Former Flat-Earthers” have been popping up as a way to bring these people together.
As the flat-earth philosophy continues to fade, more and more people are turning to square-earth theories. Numerous former flat-earthers are even toying with the idea that the earth may in fact be triangular in shape.
“I thought about that too,” says Pazzo in regards to the even newer triangle-earth theory. “If for some reason my square-earth theory fails, then I already have plans on investigating all these new claims being made by triangle-earthers.”
According to recent polls, square-earthers now outnumber flat-earthers, with triangle-earthers, octagon-earthers, and invisible-earthers coming in third, fourth, and fifth.
