LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA — A coalition of anti-ICE far-leftists and Mexican nationalists descended upon the city of Los Angeles this weekend with the stated goal of burning the city to the ground. However, their efforts were met with unexpected challenges as they struggled to find any remaining property that hadn’t already been destroyed by decades of political neglect.
According to multiple exhausted rioters, the operation began smoothly with chanting, sign distribution, and the ceremonial lighting of a single trash can. Momentum stalled shortly afterward when participants realized nearly every nearby surface already featured cracked windows, scorched walls, trash, poop, hypodermic needles, graffiti, or screaming violent homeless drug addicts.
“I came here to smash some windows and light a few fires,” said Carlos, a disappointed 32-year-old rioter, “but honestly, it’s hard to tell what’s already been burned and what we’re actually doing. I almost feel guilty getting paid to do nothing.”
The rioters spent several hours wandering the California streets, looking for anything that wasn’t already a pile of rubble. At one point, they attempted to deface a billboard, only to realize it was already covered in graffiti and homeless poop.
At press time, rioters tried pulling down a statue only to realize later it was just a rigid, fentanyl-addicted bum standing still in the middle of a sidewalk.
