A Lucid Joe Biden Drops Out Of Presidential Race And Endorses Bernie Sanders
WASHINGTON-- Former Vice President Joe Biden ended his presidential candidacy on Monday, claiming that the only way he can defeat Donald Trump and win the White House is by endorsing…
California Police Arrest Easter Bunny For Not Wearing Mask During Coronavirus Lockdown
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA-- The beloved Easter Bunny was arrested this morning in a violent altercation with police for not wearing a protective face mask out in public during the mandatory…
Public Health Alert: Americans Should Wear Blindfold And Earplugs If Watching Mainstream News
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- Health officials have issued a public health alert in response to an increase of mainstream media news coverage across the United States, causing concern for…
Report: Donald Trump Has Personal Stake In The United States
WASHINGTON-- President Donald Trump reportedly has a personal stake in the United States of America, the country that he coincidentally promised to make great again while he was campaigning for…
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Says Putting Masks On Laptops May Stop Spread Of Deadly Computer Virus
WASHINGTON-- Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has asked everyone to start taking the current viral pandemic more seriously by covering their electronic equipment with masks in an effort to stop the spread…
Experts Suggest Social Distancing From Social Media To Mitigate Spread Of Coronavirus Hysteria
CLEVELAND, OHIO-- Experts from the U.S. Centers for Hysteria Control and Social Media Prevention (CHC) have encouraged Americans to practice "social media distancing" measures to slow the spread of COVID-19…
Nancy Pelosi Apologizes To Trump After Eating Snickers Bar: ‘I Was Hungry And Wasn’t Myself’
WASHINGTON-- House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has apologized to President Donald Trump for blaming him for being responsible for the world's coronavirus losses, claiming she came to her senses after eating…
Loser Man Creates Facebook Account To Find Friends Only To Realize He Doesn’t Have Any
PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA-- Facebook is one of the largest social networking sites in the world and a great way to connect with both old and new friends, but one deadbeat man…
China’s President Xi Appoints Coronavirus As Ambassador To The United States
BEIJING, CHINA-- President of the People's Republic of China Xi Jinping announced the appointment of Coronavirus as ambassador to the United States of America in accordance with a decision by…
NY Politicians Assure Citizens Locking Them Down While Releasing Convicts From Prison Makes Perfect Sense
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- In response to the coronavirus outbreak, several states have decided to take an ingenious two-pronged approach in an effort to curb its spread by locking…
Establishment Democrats Hold Their Breath After Trump Says Breathing Good For Health
WASHINGTON-- Corporate Democrats are urging everyone to start holding their breath after President Donald Trump recently told the American people that oxygen is not only beneficial, but may also help…
Democrats Send Terminator Back In Time To Stop Trump From Ever Becoming President
WASHINGTON-- A cyborg asset was recently sent back in time from 2020 to 2016 to rig the Presidential election in an effort to prevent Donald Trump from ever becoming President…
