China Gets Trolled After Taiwan Makes Winnie The Pooh Their Official Country Mascot
TAIPEI, TAIWAN-- Taiwan unveiled its new Winnie the Pooh mascot yesterday in response to China taking offense to a few high-profile celebrities mistakenly referring to the self-governed territory as a…
Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot Says She’ll Only Speak To Journalists Who Look Just Like Her
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS-- Democratic Mayor Lori Lightfoot has been taking some heat lately after vowing to only be interviewed by journalists who look exactly like her in every way, right down…
New CDC Guidelines Now Say Dead People Only Need To Wear Three Masks When Buried
ATLANTA, GEORGIA-- The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) announced new recommendations for the use of masks, saying dead people are permitted to be buried wearing only three masks…
Funeral Homes Offering Free Tombstones To Anyone Who Shows Proof Of Vaccination
SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA-- Great news to everyone who gets the COVID-19 vaccine. Funeral homes across the country have been trying to incentivize hesitant people into getting vaccinated by offering a…
MLB Punishes Georgia For ‘Un-American Election Laws’ By Moving All-Star Game To More Patriotic China
ATLANTA, GEORGIA-- Major League Baseball has decided to relocate the 2021 All-Star Game out of Atlanta and over to Beijing, China in response to Georgia's recent election regulations that the…
Proud Mother Adopts COVID Vaccine After Aborting Real Unborn Baby
PORTLAND, OREGON-- It looks like another needy coronavirus vaccine has found a new home. A woman from Portland recently announced on her Twitter account that she is the proud new…
Biden Blames Russian Hackers For His Fall On Air Force One Steps
WASHINGTON-- The pesky Russians are at it again, says top Democrats. After Joe Biden had an embarrassing tumble down the steps of Air Force One on Friday, a White House…
Miracle: Joe Biden Cures Kamala Harris Of Head Lice After Sniffing Her Hair
WASHINGTON-- In what is being considered nothing less than a miracle, Joe Biden has cured his future replacement Kamala Harris's head lice by grabbing her shoulders from behind and then…
Racist Dr. Seuss Books Reinstated After It’s Revealed Author Was A Liberal Democrat
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- Cancel culture has officially apologized for censoring the books of Dr. Seuss after claiming the children's classics were written by an evil, right-wing, conservative Trump…
Coronavirus Comes Forward And Accuses Andrew Cuomo Of Sexual Harassment
ALBANY, NEW YORK-- The COVID-19 virus is the latest victim to come forward with sexual assault allegations against Gov. Andrew Cuomo, claiming the touch-feely politician was less than six feet…
Biden Voters Justify Syria Bombing Saying At Least They Got Rid Of Trump’s Mean Tweets
WASHINGTON-- Immediately after Joe Biden ordered the entire country of Syria to be blown off the map, hundreds of his supporters took to Twitter to reiterate how happy they are…
Equality: Biden Orders All Zoo Lions That Identify As Antelopes To Be Allowed Into Antelope Enclosures
WASHINGTON-- Joe Biden has taken a big step towards protecting the rights of lions that both identify and are transitioning into antelopes by allowing them to live inside antelope zoo…
