CHICAGO, ILLINOIS– After leaving a path of destruction in Florida before veering off and heading west, Hurricane Milton was pronounced dead at the scene from multiple gunshot wounds when the tropical cyclone made the mistake of travelling through a gang-infested area of Chicago.
Paramedics were unable to resuscitate the violent storm after it was shot over one hundred times due to Chicago gang members thinking that Hurricane Milton was part of a rival gang that had wandered into their area unannounced.
“Apparently the killers thought Hurricane Milton was part of a rival gang,” said Chief of Police Carl Spackler as he stood in front of the hurricane’s bloody remains. “The unfortune hurricane just happened to be wearing the wrong colors in the wrong part of town so a few gangbangers decided to send a message to anyone other natural disasters that dare to wander into their turf while more important murders are going on.”
The gang members that killed Hurricane Milton are being heralded as heroes for killing the hurricane that had caused so much death and destruction and for doing a better job at dealing with the storm than Vice President Kamala Harris has done.
At publishing time, numerous Republicans have lambasted the Biden administration for letting yet another illegal hurricane into the country. No word on whether the storm had already cast its ballot for Harris/Walz.
