CHICAGO, ILLINOIS– The beloved Easter Bunny was shot and killed this morning while delivering eggs and candies to children in Chicago during another violent weekend of gun violence and gang murders.
The Easter Bunny was pronounced dead at the scene after crime scene investigators found his head lying six feet away before placing it back near the body to get a few selfies for their personal Facebook pages.
“The Easter Bunny was brutally gunned down during a drive by shooting early this morning,” said Chief of Police Carl Spackler as police officers posed with the corpse for a few more photos.
“Apparently,” added Chief Spackler, “the bunny was in the wrong part of town wearing the wrong colors and some gangbangers believed he was part of a rival gang, so they shot the Easter Bunny over one hundred times and then got out of their car and decapitated him to send a message to any other fairytale characters who dare to wonder into their turf while more important murders are happening.”
Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot condemned the Easter Bunny for trespassing on private property and also praised the gang members for defending their territory, saying the murderers had every right to defend themselves against the bigoted bunny who basically forced the thugs to gun him down.
“Another dangerous racist was taken off the streets this morning,” said Mayor Lightfoot in reference to the Easter Bunny. “It’s a sad day in America when young black men can’t peacefully murder one another without having to worry about neo-Nazi rabbits threatening them with smelly eggs and sugary candies.”
