WEST PALM BEACH, FLORIDA– After another failed assassination attempt on Donald Trump where the shooter got away before being apprehended by local police, the Secret Service put out a statement clarifying that the reason their agents didn’t see the shooter or catch him was because the grounds on the golf course were way too sloped.
This was the second attempted assassination of Republican presidential candidate, with the Secret Service taking a lot of heat for failing to protect the former president due to the fact that the roof was too sloped.
“There’s a very simple explanation as to why yet another shooter got within yards of President Trump,” said a representative for the Secret Service with a large photo behind him of the sloped golf course. “As everyone can plainly see, this is one hundred percent Trump’s fault because his golf course is too sloped, which prevented our highly skilled DEI agents from doing their jobs.”
Numerous Republicans in Congress have already taken to Twitter X to write a few strongly worded posts about how angry they are that another deranged Democrat almost killed Trump, and have called on the Secret Service to better train their agents on how to deal with sloped surfaces.
A few high-profile Democrat politicians, including Vice President Kamala Harris, reiterated that they don’t condone violence against Trump, but added that they will continue to call him a threat to democracy and worse than Hitler.
