PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA– While on his staged visit to a local convenience store in a rough part of Philadelphia to pretend he’s a man of the people, President Joe Biden stopped at a local Wawa but made sure to hide his wallet before getting out of his car after seeing the dangerous clientele walking around the area.
“Hold on, Jack, there’s a bunch of animals circling our limo,” said Biden nervously to his Secret Service agents as suspicious-looking men in black ski masks wandered around. “Couldn’t you guys have found me a safer and whiter area I could do my photo op visits at? I heard there’s a lot of crime in this area because these Democrat politicians are letting criminals out of prisons. Oh wait, I’m a Democrat. Pretend I didn’t say that.”
In a panic, Biden took his wallet full of cash out of his left pants pocket and then hid it inside of his right pants pocket.
“No one will ever suspect that my wallet’s hiding in the opposite pocket,” said Biden with a smile after getting out of the vehicle and tripping over his feet. “I’m glad I don’t live around here in this racial jungle. Whoever the president is letting this happen should be impeached.”
While the Wawa store employees were getting robbed at gunpoint by looting thugs directly in front of him, Biden promised the victims that when he’s president he’ll make sure he holds accountable whoever the guy is who’s currently president.
“We’ll just tell everyone this is Trump’s fault somehow,” said Biden confidently to one of his aides.
