OTTAWA, CANADA– In response to President Donald Trump imposing tariffs on Canadian goods into the US, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has issued his own threat by promising he will have his mounted police officers trample a little, old woman every day until the 25% tariffs have been removed.
Justin Trudeau gave an emergency press conference to issue the major threat to the United States, reminding everyone that he is a dictator who will destroy Canada if he has to.
“If President Trump wants to play hardball, then I can play with even harder balls,” said Justin Trudeau with fire in his loins as he readjusted his tampon. “In response to President Trump’s tariffs, I will be immediately taking out my frustrations on the Canadian people. Every day that President Trump leaves these tariffs in place, I will have my mounted police officers trample over a tiny, weak, old woman. This will continue until Trump removes these tariffs or until Canada runs out of little, old ladies.”
If Canada does run out of old grandmoms to trample over, says Trudeau, then he will move on to crushing old men before moving onto Canadian children.
Chinese President Xi Jinping praised Trudeau’s use of old women as cannon fodder in Canada’s trade war with the US, and said that China would also be taking a similar approach by executing a Uyghur slave every day whether Trump imposes tariffs or not.
