NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK– Famous antihero S.D. Bob Snake Plissken was killed recently inside of today’s current crime-ridden New York City while on yet another dangerous mission, getting murdered on a subway only minutes after entering the hellhole city.
The highly-trained Plissken has become well-known for his previous missions into New York City to save the president of the United States and also for the time he escaped from LA while fighting off hordes of criminal lunatics.
“We’re sad to report that Snake Plissken has died after finally meeting his match,” said Bob Hauk, the US Police Force Commissioner who hired Plissken to go into NYC. “We always knew Plissken was a brave man for taking on all these missions into dangerous US cities over the years, but we never thought he’d be stupid enough to go into New York City in 2024. Rest in peace, Snake.”
According to the commissioner, Snake stupidly boarded a NYC subway to save time as soon as he ran into the city, but ended up getting shot in the head by a crazed, violent criminal who was recently released by Democrat Governor Kathy Hochul.
Due to Snake trying to fight off the black man who murdered him on the subway, NY District Attorney Alvin Bragg has stated he will be posthumously charging Plissken with a hate crime for not just letting the criminal kill him.
“We don’t tolerate racist bigots in New York City, Mr. Plissken,” said DA Alvin Bragg after issuing an arrest warrant for Snake’s corpse that was signed off by a corrupt Obama judge.
