NEW YORK, NEW YORK– A New York man was forcibly arrested inside his home Saturday after a neighbor reported him for allegedly using Russian salad dressing on his lunch, which goes against the state’s recently passed law banning anything from Russia or even things with the word “Russia” in it, all for the government’s valiant support of Ukraine.
New York’s Governor Kathy Hochul gave an urgent press conference once it was reported that one of her citizens was not only using an evil Russian product, but refused to give his undying support to the country of Ukraine.
“I will not tolerate any support whatsoever for the tyrannical Russian regime,” said Gov. Hochul as her police repeatedly beat the arrested man while inside his jail cell. “Supporting Ukraine is of the utmost importance, which is why I recently signed a bill that crossed my desk that says any New York citizens who refuse to fly the flag of Ukraine will be executed immediately.”
The mayor of New York City Eric Adams applauded his police officers for their quick response at removing the dangerous Russian supporter from off the streets and informed the NYPD police chief that the arrested man needs to be stripped naked and then paraded through the streets while getting kicked in the face to show other people what happens when you don’t support Ukraine.
“I’d like to thank the brave patriot who called the police and reported his neighbor for using the Russian dressing,” said Mayor Adams as police officers went around house to house confiscating everyone’s Russian condiments. “To prevent another dangerous Russian dressing incident, I’m hereby granting all NYPD officers full authority to execute anyone found using the banned Russian product.”
