TRENTON, NEW JERSEY– An unfortunate injury happened Sunday when the COVID vaccine suddenly had a massive heart attack only moments after getting injected with rotund Republican Chris Christie, sending the vaccine to the emergency room where it’s on life support and might not make it.
Before getting the Chris Christie injection, the COVID vaccine wrote on Instagram that it wanted to do its part by staying thin, believing that inundating its body with Christie’s adipose tissue would protect it from becoming obese.
“I want to do my part and keep everyone safe from me getting fat and becoming a burden on others,” wrote the vaccine on Instagram only days earlier. “All the doctors are telling me that Chris Christie is safe and effective with no adverse side effects.”
The vaccine added, “Dr. Fauci said the only way to protect myself from obesity is to have the fat from Christie injected directly into me. I immediately knew Christie was working inside my body when I felt my chest tighten up and I had trouble breathing. The doctors told me that means it’s working.”
Immediately after getting the lard injection, the COVID vaccine posted a photo on Twitter of him at the doctor’s office while three strong men picked up Christie and stabbed the victim.
The vaccine wrote under the photo, “Look, everyone. I just got my Christie Twisty. I’ll no longer need to exercise now that I got the effects of a 400 pound man coursing through my veins.”
UPDATE: After this article was written, it was reported that the COVID vaccine had passed away, not from the massive heart attack, but because Chris Christie got hungry and ate it after mistaking the vial for an odd-shaped donut.
