CHAUSSURE, CALIFORNIA– Be careful the next time you decide to toss a pair of old shoes into the garbage. Not only are those shoes considered sacred to some people, new laws that are being created will one day make throwing out old sandals or sneakers illegal.
According to all the latest research, shoeism is the fastest growing religion in the world. Experts are predicting that shoeism will one day be practiced by more people than any other religion, including moneyism and Beiberism.
For those that have been living under a rock for the past hundred years or so, shoeism is the worship of any and all shoes, whether they’re sneakers, sandals, high-heels, or slippers.
Even though shoes in some rudimentary form have been worn for thousands of years, shoes as we know them today were first created by a man named Alan Footman in 1856. Footman was a former glove salesman turned shoe prophet. Footman is credited with the creation of the first high-heel shoe after receiving divine intervention during a visit to a local sock shop. Back then, people were only wearing socks to cover their feet.
The basic doctrine of shoeism is that every shoe has a sole, and that callously discarding shoes is a sin. Shoeists believe that even when a shoe dies its sole lives on forever.
Even though most shoe worshipers throughout the last hundred years have been female, more and more men have been seeing the light and have been leaving their current religions and converting to shoeism.
Even though shoeism is practiced the world over, many countries are still persecuting anyone who gets outed as a shoe worshiper. Many shoeists are leaving their shoes in the closet for fear of backlash by shoeophobes.
