WOONSOCKET, RHODE ISLAND– A newborn baby was injured after falling from a stork’s mouth on his way to being delivered to his new parents, forcing governmental regulators to question the competency of storks as baby deliverers.
The one day old baby, James Brown, was sleeping inside the stork’s white blanket when all of a sudden the stork sneezed, losing his grip and dropping the startled baby from approximately one mile up in the sky.
The stork, Sammy, was initially accused of negligent homicide until it was discovered that, not only did the baby survive the fall, but fumes from a nearby environmentally-unfriendly airplane are what caused the bird to sneeze uncontrollably. James’ parents decided not to press charges against Sammy the stork because the newborn had only suffered minor bruises after falling one mile down onto a large, pointed boulder.
“We’re just happy James is okay,” said 35 year old new Dad Bobby Brown, holding his lucky baby within his arms. “I don’t blame Sammy for losing his grip. Technically, the airline’s responsible for flying that disgusting ozone-destroyer with wings. Me and my wife have decided to sue the airline for $90 billion for destroying our planet and causing severe climate change.”
A police spokesman stated that all charges have been dropped against Sammy the stork, but that the F.B.I. is going to be investigating the airplane and deciding on whether the airline intentionally used a faulty, environmentally-unfriendly plane to intentionally kill baby James.
“The F.B.I.’s looking into all possibilities,” Detective Barry Bronstein told news reporters. “Investigators have to figure out if the airline company intentionally flew the aircraft at that approximate time in the vicinity of the stork and whether their intentions were to kill baby James.
“As it stands right now,” Bronstein added, holding up a zoomed-in photograph of the airplane’s pilot frowning, “agents are considering this a homicide. Unless any new evidence comes to light, the pilots, stewardesses, every passenger on the plane and every person that works for the airline company will be charged with attempted manslaughter. Or is it babyslaughter?”
Earlier this week, another baby had a close call when a different stork left him inside of the blanket with the windows rolled up in 95 degree weather.
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