BERLIN, GERMANY– The last living pair of Nazi Boots was found and apprehended on Sunday after a decades old search for the elusive war criminal started seeming as though it was a ghost chase.
According to Germany’s top newspaper the Fick Dich, the 94 year old pair of Boots was living inside the closet of a house belonging to a local German man who had died two weeks earlier. Authorities nabbed the Nazi criminal Boots when they entered into the dead man’s home after neighbors reported smells of rotting flesh mixed with sauerkraut and bratwurst.
“We finally got him,” said Olaf Scholz in a one-on-one interview with Frauenhauser News. “After eight decades we finally found the monster responsible for the ruining of millions of socks. Every sock that was stuffed into Boots suffered the same fate, such as cheesy foot odor and ripped holes in the toes.”
Boots, better known by his Nazi name Herr Boots, went into hiding after World War 2, escaping justice at the Nuremboot Trials along with the rest of the boots.
“Germany apologizes for any harm Boots has done to the world,” Scholz said, showing the news reporter a photo of Boots in prison. “As punishment for his war crimes, Boots is scheduled to be worn by Jewish actress Amy Schumer for the remainder of Boots’ life. What better befitting punishment than for Boots to have to support a woman who reportedly never washes her feet.”
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