LONDON, ENGLAND– Government officials in the UK have come together recently to tackle a major problem facing many women, officially passing a law that forbids manspreading by men whenever out in public places.
The new law was passed by an almost unanimous vote last week and has received mostly positive responses by its British citizens. The law has already taken effect in England and will become an official law in Ireland, Scotland, and Wales by early next year.
Manspreading, or man-sitting, is the act of men sitting in public places with their legs spread apart, taking up more than one seat and thereby causing women great discomfort.
In an effort to curb the dangerous act of manspreading, all male UK citizens who take any form of public transportation or who choose to sit anywhere in public places must have their genitals removed.
According to Theresa May, removing the offending male’s genitals will allow him to cross his legs tightly and give him the ability to narrow his space.
Emasculation, the surgical procedure to remove a man’s penis and testicles, will cost approximately £4,005 ($5,000) per male, so crafty politicians have increased gas prices around the country as a way to pay for the procedures that may inevitably cost the country a staggering £124,159,650,000 ($155,000,000,000).
Raises gas prices may also increase the likelihood of more surgical procedures because many of these men won’t be able to afford to drive any longer and may have to turn to public transportation.
Numerous men have already undergone the surgical procedure and are now free to sit in public without fear of offending any nearby females.
“This was a wonderful decision,” claims Harry William, one of the first men to undergo the painful yet necessary genital removal procedure. “My wife informed me that my genitals were no longer necessary and insisted that I have them removed to avoid being called a sexist male pig. I immediately signed up to get my dangly-bits lopped off.”
Women across the country have cheered the new law, stating now that men aren’t manspreading they will be able to womanspread.
“It’s about time,” said Meghan Kate as she sat with her long legs spread across four seats on the London Underground. “I can finally open myself up without any of these disgusting blokes invading my space.”
Government officials first tried using the anti-manspreading chair on male citizens but realized it wasn’t effective enough because men would just throw their legs over the sides.
Wonder what they do with all the lopped off parts?