Hillary Clinton Makes Another Exciting Guest Appearance On Saturday Night Live
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- Democrat Hillary Clinton made yet another guest appearance on Saturday…
Satan Reassures Hesitant People The COVID Vaccine Is Safe And Definitely Not The Mark Of The Beast
HELL-- Due to the overwhelming amount of negativity surrounding the new coronavirus vaccine, Satan wanted…
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At Least 43 Squirrels Shot, 6 Fatally, In Violent Chicago Weekend
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS-- Six squirrels have been killed and at least 37 wounded in shootings that…
Dianne Feinstein Retires From Politics To Host New ‘Tales From The Crypt’ Reboot
WASHINGTON-- After taking a very long absence to reconstruct her body, 369-year-old California Senator Dianne…
White House Accuses Bird That Pooped On Biden Of Being Russian Asset
WASHINGTON-- The White House released an emergency statement Wednesday regarding the pigeon that pooped on…
Major Endorsement: Kamala Snags Coveted ‘Democrats Posing As Republicans For Harris’ Group
U.S.-- Another group of people known as the Democrats Posing As Republicans For Harris have…
Sesame Street Defends Pride Month Episode Where New Trans Muppet Opens Fire On Heteronormative Co-Stars
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Following a wave of intense parent pushback regarding the season…
Benjamin Netanyahu Converts To Islam, Promotes Peace
TEL AVIV, ISRAEL-- In a last-ditch effort to promote peace in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, Jewish…
White House Confirms Biden Will Dress Up In Costume And Pretend He’s President This Halloween
WASHINGTON-- Relieved that he can finally tell people he's the legitimate commander-in-chief, Joe Biden announced…
Keir Starmer Says UK Doesn’t Have Money To Investigate Grooming Gangs Because He Spent It All On Coke
UK-- The UK Home Office put out a statement recently saying that it will be…
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Tim Walz Kisses His Brother To Prove There’s Nothing Weird About Ilhan Omar’s Brother Marriage
ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA – Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz reportedly kissed his own brother during a press conference Thursday in an effort…
Mark Carney Taps Newly Arrived Immigrant To Oversee Preservation Of Canadian Identity
OTTAWA, CANADA — Prime Minister Mark Carney announced Tuesday that newly arrived Indian immigrant Gurpreet Harpreet Manpreet Sukhwinder Balwinder Parminder…
Lab Mice Replaced After Imported Foreign Mice Work For Less Cheese
BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS — A team of biomedical researchers announced Thursday that it had replaced dozens of American lab mice with…
FBI Scours Police Blotters For Crimes It Can Pretend It Solved
WASHINGTON — In a bold bid to maintain the illusion of relevance, the FBI has reportedly begun scouring local police…
Macron Threatens To Punish Rioters By Making Them Remain In France
PARIS, FRANCE — French President Emmanuel Macron issued a stern warning to the violent rioters this week currently burning major…
Pfizer Says Reports Of Side Effects Distract From Vaccine’s Positive Impact On Profits
NEW YORK — Pfizer executives expressed frustration that persistent reports of COVID vaccine side effects were distracting the public from…
Awkward Moment As Ilhan Omar Starts Flirting With Undercover James O’Keefe Disguised As Her Brother
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA — Investigative journalist James O'Keefe reportedly found himself in an unexpectedly uncomfortable situation this week after going undercover…