The Washington Post Claims Staying Alive And Not Dying Is Deeply Deathphobic
WASHINGTON-- The Washington Post has come out in defense of dead people everywhere by claiming…
DC Liberal Outraged After Trump’s Military Crackdown Leaves Her Unmolested For 2nd Month Straight
WASHINGTON - Local resident and self-proclaimed "progressive liberal" Karen Jenkins, 32, expressed her deep frustration…
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Biden Recalls The Time He Had The Black Death Plague Back In 1353
WASHINGTON-- During a speech where he informed the world that he has cancer, COVID, hemorrhoids,…
Pervert Wanted For Painting Sleeping Women’s Feet
TEMPE, ARIZONA-- Police are on the lookout for an unidentified man who has broken into numerous…
Fauci Says More Dog Testing Experiments Are Needed To Better Understand Origin Of COVID
WASHINGTON-- During a Senate committee hearing on the origins of the COVID-19 virus, Dr. Anthony…
Biden: ‘If The Supreme Court Pick’s Not Corrupt, Then You Ain’t My Nominee!’
WASHINGTON-- With the sudden announcement of Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer's retirement, Joe Biden began…
Democrats Hire Officer Barbrady From South Park To Yell ‘Nothing To See Here’ At Rigged Polling Stations
WASHINGTON-- Frustrated with Americans calling for election integrity, Democrat politicians recently hired former South Park…
Jabba The Hutt Sheds 2000 Pounds After Getting Fat-Shamed On Instagram
TATOOINE-- The galaxy's most powerful gangster Jabba the Hutt has gained a whole new audience…
Google Warns That Without Unqualified Foreign Labor, They Might Have To Hire Americans
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CALIFORNIA — Sounding the alarm over the Trump administration’s sweeping new H-1B visa…
Obama Visits New Jersey To Teach Governor Phil Murphy How To Better Lie To Voters Before Election
TRENTON, NEW JERSEY-- Former President Barack Hussein Obama spent some time in New Jersey this…
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Republicans Promise To Protect American Workers By Replacing Them Legally
WASHINGTON — Republicans across the country unveiled a bold new plan Monday to protect American workers from being replaced by…
UK Prime Minister Andy Burnham Drops ‘Ham’ From Name To Avoid Offending Muslim Voters
LONDON — Newly installed UK Prime Minister Andy Burnham announced Sunday that he will be dropping the final three letters…
Trump Adds Another Sticky Note To Refrigerator Reminding Him To Send Out Promised Checks
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump reportedly added another sticky note to the White House refrigerator Friday reminding himself to send…
Biden Tells Black Juror He ‘Ain’t Black’ If He Votes To Convict Lindsay Clancy
PLYMOUTH, MASSACHUSETTS — Former President Joe Biden reportedly reached out to the lone Black male juror who voted to convict…
Ilhan Omar Proposes Renaming 9/11 ‘National Day Of Unspecified Things Happening To Buildings’
WASHINGTON — Rep. Ilhan Omar introduced a resolution Friday proposing that September 11 be officially renamed "National Day Of Unspecified…
Indian Man Arrested For Vandalizing Neighborhood By Cleaning It Up
NEW DELHI, INDIA—Local authorities have arrested an Indian man who allegedly vandalized his community on Thursday by going on a…
Ron Paul Chains Himself To Treasury To Stop Trump’s $5,000 Dividend
WASHINGTON — Former Congressman Ron Paul returned from retirement Thursday to chain himself to the U.S. Treasury Department in an…