Archaeologists Unearth Unbelieveable Artifacts Inside Egyptian Pyramid
CAIRO, EGYPT-- Archaeologists excavating inside a pyramid in Egypt unearthed some extremely awesome artifacts yesterday, proving to the world that ancient Egyptians were much more advanced than previously surmised. At…
Poland Bans Scissors Due To One Too Many Paper Cuts
WARSAW, POLAND-- Officials in Poland made a bold move recently by banning all scissors in the country due to an inordinate amount of citizens getting paper cuts. According to Poland's…
ISIS Members Threaten To Quit After Getting Pay Cut
BAGHDAD, IRAQ-- Hundreds of ISIS members have threatened to quit their jobs as terrorists yesterday after having their wages cut, informing their leaders that if their previous salaries are not reinstated…
Man Tries Killing Himself After Failed Suicide Attempt, Fails Again
DOVER, DELAWARE-- A Dover man was released from a local hospital today after trying to commit suicide due to a failed suicide attempt, making this his 322nd time he's tried to kill himself…
Army Drill Sergeant Court Martialed For Yelling At Recruit
FREEBIRD, ARIZONA-- A drill sergeant in the United States army was recently court-martialed and sentenced to 10 years in a military prison for raising his voice on more than one…
Garfield The Cat To Be Replaced By An Ostrich In Next Garfield Movie
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA-- Ready to stick your head in the sand? Garfield fans around the world have been protesting over a studio's decision to replace the lazy, lasagna-loving cat, who plays…
Meet The 72 Year Old Man Who Still Believes In Santa Claus
TACOMA, WASHINGTON-- While most children eventually come to the conclusion that Santa Claus doesn't actually exist, the same can't be said for one elderly man who wants the world to know…
United States Votes To Change National Bird To Seagull
WASHINGTON-- Americans recently voted to get rid of the bald eagle as the country's bird and replace it with the more refined and charismatic seagull, proving once again that seagulls…
Canada Outlaws Left Turns On All Roads
OTTAWA, CANADA-- Canadian officials passed a new law on Friday which states that anyone driving on Canadian roads is not allowed to make left turns under any circumstances, even if a left turn…
Johnny Depp Alters Tattoo Tribute To Favorite Cereal
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA-- While Pirates of the Caribbean star Johnny Depp has been out promoting his new book Why I Hate Frosted Flakes, people couldn't help but notice that he recently changed…
This Year’s Fourth of July To Be Moved To The Fifth
WASHINGTON-- Government officials have made a daring move by changing this year's Fourth of July holiday to July 5, saying that this will assist the millions of Americans who are…
History Annoys People By Constantly Repeating Itself
ROME, ITALY-- World-class physicians from the Pazzo Clinic in Rome recently released some startling research, saying that History tends to repeat itself quite often and possibly suffers from a severe case of narcissism.…
