True Love? Man Literally Gives Woman His Heart For Valentine’s Day, Then Gets Dumped
STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN — As a pre-Valentine's Day surprise, a man in Sweden thought that the best way to make his woman happy would be to give her the ultimate gift: his…
Scrooge McDuck Rushed To Emergency Room For Head Injury
DUCKBURG-- The world's richest duck Scrooge McDuck was recently taken to the emergency room after improperly diving into his vault of gold, which resulted in a head injury. A source…
Who Needs The Super Bowl? This Year’s Pooper Bowl Will Make Football Stink
HOUSTON, TEXAS-- Growing tired of watching the same old boring football game every Super Bowl? Then good news. A new sport, which some experts are calling the ultimate sports experience,…
Female Homeowner Discovers Strange Woman Living Inside Of Her Home
ERSATZ, GEORGIA-- Authorities are investigating the home of a woman who claims that she found an uninvited woman living inside of her two-bedroom bungalow. The homeowner, Becky Waters, called police…
CNN Most Trusted News Network, According To New CNN Poll
ATLANTA, GEORGIA-- In a brand-spanking new poll just released by America's favorite mainstream news media outlet, CNN now tops all other news outlets in trust, favorability, and popularity. According to…
Chinese New Year Changed To January 20th Presidential Inauguration, Now Called Chinese Donald Trump Presidential Inauguration New Year Day 2017
WASHINGTON-- In an effort to promote peace and also a smooth transition, President-elect Donald Trump and China have decided to show their support for one another by combining the Chinese…
Texas Man Shoots Tooth Fairy For Breaking And Entering
FORT WORTH, TEXAS-- A Fort Worth man is being questioned by police for the recent shooting of the Tooth Fairy after supposedly receiving an invitation letter from the man's young…
Northeast Survives ‘End Of World’ After Snowstorm, Prepares For Next End Of World
TRENTON, NEW JERSEY-- The end of the world has officially come and gone in the northeast and the numerous survivors are already preparing themselves for the next apocalyptic snowflakes. In…
Recent Crow Deaths Linked To Heroin Overdoses
BISCAYNE, WYOMING-- Overdoses from heroin abuse now kill more crows in America than being hit by cars, AIDS, homicides, and bird flu. So far this year approximately 1,534 crows have…
After Getting Fat-Shamed Online, Santa Claus Drops Two Hundred Pounds
NORTH POLE-- Christmas just got a whole lot thinner, thanks to Santa Claus' drastic weight loss. The formerly fat man in the red suit has reportedly lost over two hundred…
Is Fake News Really Real News Disguised As Fake Real News? Experts Weigh In
NEW YORK, NEW YORK-- With all the talk lately about fake news, many real fake actual experts are taking a closer look at what exactly constitutes fake news and whether…
Shoe Manufacturers To Discontinue Size 13 Shoes Due To Bad Luck; Possible Demonic Possession
BENTON, OHIO-- Due to a number of unexplained eerie instances inside of warehouses, a group of shoe manufacturers have decided to do away with all their size 13 shoe lines and…
