HOUSTON, TEXAS– Growing tired of watching the same old boring football game every Super Bowl? Then good news. A new sport, which some experts are calling the ultimate sports experience, will be taking place down the street from this year’s football game in an open manure field with players, referees, fans, toilets, and feces. Lots and lots of feces.
Pooper Bowl 2020 is being heralded as the new replacement for the antiquated game known as football. In it, players sit on toilets in the middle of the pooper field and defecate while referees make certain that they abide by the rules.
Unlike football, fans are encouraged to come out onto the field and cheer on their favorite players and also assist the poopers in the quest for the ultimate dump.
The idea for the Pooper Bowl came about after an unemployed man had to watch last year’s Super Bowl while sitting on his toilet.
“I must’ve ate some bad chicken wings,” said Bart Johnson, the man who came up with the idea for Pooper Bowl.
“While I was sitting on the can and watching the football game, I realized that I was having a much better time taking a crap than watching whiny millionaires carrying a football. Not only was I physically relieved after crapping, I felt great pride at the unique shape that my crap made inside of my toilet bowl.”
Johnson was so ecstatic at the bowel movement that he immediately posted a photo of his “accomplishment” on Facebook, which is what got the ball rolling, so to speak.
The basic rules of the game are simple. Spectators watch as players, called poopers, sit on a toilet on the field and try to outdo one another in the rigorous act of defecation. Referees are on hand to make sure poopers don’t try to steal someone else’s feces as their own or try to ingest laxatives as a way to earn extra points.
Even though everyone defecates, Johnson warns that not every person who defecates is cut out to play in the Pooper Bowl.
“These poopers are highly trained athletes,” Johnson added. “These athletes have been training all year for this moment. Two poopers have already died due to taking too many laxatives and getting dehydrated and losing vital nutrients. One pooper was sidelined with a hernia after straining on his twenty-ninth bowel movement in one day.”
Order Pooper Bowl 2020 on pay-per-view for $.69 or come out to Jim Bob’s Manure Farm and watch the game live.
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars