Asian Murder Hornet Arrested For Homicide After Dispute With Bee Neighbor
VENICE, CALIFORNIA-- A newly arrived foreign insect known as the "murder hornet" was arrested Sunday after he allegedly murdered his next door neighbor in a late night dispute. Dà Huángfēng,…
Canada’s Trudeau Bans Bananas After Man Slips And Falls On Banana Peel
OTTAWA, CANADA-- Canada has officially banned bananas after a man slip and fell on a banana peel, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau declared Saturday. The move comes after the negligent man…
NY Mayor De Blasio Unleashes Police To Break Up Pigeon Gathering Over Social Distancing
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- Mayor Bill de Blasio has warned the city's large pigeon population that he has zero tolerance for any bird who breaks his coronavirus social distancing…
China Creates New And Improved COVID-20, Promises This Virus Won’t Fall Apart After One Use
BEIJING, CHINA-- Beijing is offering a brand-new and upgraded COVID-20 virus for export after witnessing the entire world starting to recover from their ineffective Chinese-made COVID-19 viral product. On Monday,…
Biden Hires Sexual Assault Expert Bill Clinton As Adviser On MeToo Allegations
WASHINGTON-- Joe Biden has gone on the offensive against all the peculiar stories floating around that he's somehow involved with assaulting hapless women, hiring a dream team of sexual assault…
Michigan Governor Extends Shutdown Order By Placing Stormtroopers In Front Of People’s Homes
LANSING, MICHIGAN-- Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer extended her stay-at-home order to combat the coronavirus, stationing millions of stormtroopers at residences across the state to keep people from leaving their home…
Altruistic Nancy Pelosi Feeds Starving Homeless People By Tweeting Photos Of Her Stocked Refrigerator
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA-- Millionaire Nancy Pelosi is putting her fellow Republican colleagues to shame by using photos of her stocked refrigerators to feed the starving homeless of California. The charitable…
The Washington Post Fact-Checks Trump’s Claim That 1 + 1 = 2
WASHINGTON-- The Washington Post has stated that they have disproved another false claim by President Donald Trump, who claimed during a recent speech that 1+1=2. The dangerous incident occurred when…
Satan Gives CNN Exclusive Interview, Says Trump’s Making Everyone’s Life A Living Hell
HELL-- Tired of watching Donald Trump destroy existence, Satan decided to take a more proactive approach in an effort to save the universe from the calamity being caused by the…
Biden Slams Obama For Not Endorsing Him Right After Hearing Obama’s Endorsement
WASHINGTON-- Presumptive Democratic nominee Joe Biden lashed out against Barack Obama for not endorsing him after he received news that the former president recently gave him his official endorsement. Sources…
A Lucid Joe Biden Drops Out Of Presidential Race And Endorses Bernie Sanders
WASHINGTON-- Former Vice President Joe Biden ended his presidential candidacy on Monday, claiming that the only way he can defeat Donald Trump and win the White House is by endorsing…
California Police Arrest Easter Bunny For Not Wearing Mask During Coronavirus Lockdown
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA-- The beloved Easter Bunny was arrested this morning in a violent altercation with police for not wearing a protective face mask out in public during the mandatory…
