You’re Fired! Chick-Fil-A No Longer Hiring Christian Chickens
ATLANTA, GEORGIA-- Chick-fil-A made a major announcement this morning on their Twitter account saying that, due to pressure to be more inclusive of other groups that don't support Christian beliefs,…
Eric Swalwell’s Fart Identified As Whistleblower After Testifying Before Congress
WASHINGTON-- A confidential Ukraine whistleblower came out yesterday during a gushing impeachment inquiry hearing against President Donald Trump and their identity has been revealed as Farticus Swalwell, a confidential informant…
Angry Vegan Claims Burger King Should Have Meat-Free Bathrooms Away From Carnivores
ATLANTA, FLORIDA-- A perturbed vegan man is suing Burger King after going into the fast food restaurant to use the restroom, only to find out that the establishment didn't have…
Nancy Pelosi’s Trump-Inspired Book ‘The Fart Of The Deal’ Trending #1 On Amazon
WASHINGTON-- Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's new book The Fart Of The Deal has exploded onto every major book selling site, now topping Amazon's popular top ten list of highest…
Jabba The Hutt Sheds 2000 Pounds After Getting Fat-Shamed On Instagram
TATOOINE-- The galaxy's most powerful gangster Jabba the Hutt has gained a whole new audience after his drastic weight loss became galactic headline news and he credits all the online…
Elizabeth Warren Says She Was Bernie Sanders Long Before Bernie Was Bernie Sanders
MONTPELIER, VERMONT-- Sen. Elizabeth Warren was in typical Sanders but not Sanders style Monday while giving a speech in front of a massive crowd of Bernie but not Bernie supporters…
AOC Backs Out Of Debate With Conan Military Dog After Getting KO’d On Twitter By Hero Canine
WASHINGTON-- Twitter has been ablaze with laughter lately as Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and military hero dog Conan have been going back and forth in a tweeting feud that has left…
Climate Change Says That It Now Identifies As Environmentally Fluid
EARTH-- Famous celebrity Climate Change recently gave an interview on Entertainment Weekly about its decision to come out as Environmentally Fluid, which it claims is a more befitting description of…
Tie-Gate: CNN Devotes Three Hour Show To Investigate Trump’s Crooked Tie Connection
ATLANTA, GEORGIA-- A major controversy regarding Donald Trump and his crooked tie have become the latest evidence against the president in regards to his role in the further annihilation of…
With Impeachment Unlikely, Anxious Democrats Target Trump’s Body Double Instead
WASHINGTON-- After finally coming to terms that the impeachment probe into President Donald Trump has failed, the House of Representatives passed a resolute resolution Thursday that formalizes the next steps…
92 Year Old UK Man Arrested For Misgendering Classmate Back In 1940
LIVERPOOL, ENGLAND-- A 92 year old senior citizen was recently arrested in Britain after UK authorities discovered that the man had misgendered one of his male classmates during grade school.…
Frantic Democrats Accidentally Get Locked Out Of Their Own Closed-Door Impeachment Hearings
WASHINGTON-- An intense closed-door testimony this morning became even more disjointed after Democrat committee members came back from their sixth lunch break and realized that they had locked the door…
