Mike Bloomberg Runs Ads On Stage In His Place After Taking Beating At Last Democratic Debate
CHARLESTON, SOUTH CAROLINA-- Former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg gave a memorable performance on the South Carolina Democratic debate stage using campaign advertisements, making up for his lackluster appearance…
AOC’s Biggest Competition: Glass Of Water Running Against Ocasio-Cortez
WASHINGTON-- Democrat challenger Glass of Water has officially thrown his proverbial hat in the ring to take New York's 14th Congressional District seat away from full-time Twitter celebrity and part-time…
Violated Dog To Press Charges After Michael Bloomberg Grabs Her By The Snout
BURLINGTON, VERMONT-- A female dog that had its nose grabbed forcefully by Michael Bloomberg during a campaign stop says she wants to press charges against the grabby-hands billionaire. The unwanted…
Trump Plays 4D Chess On Leftists, Saying He’s Now Running As A Democrat
WASHINGTON-- In a shocking turn of events, Republican President Donald Trump is shifting gears and will be switching over to the Democrat party in what some political pundits are calling…
CNN’s Don Lemon Calls Police After Seeing Black Man In Bathroom Mirror
SAG HARBOR, NEW YORK-- Former CNN host Don Lemon called 911 late last night after coming home and finding an unknown black man staring at him from his bathroom mirror.…
Iowa Caucuses So Cold Bernie Sanders Kept His Hands Inside His Own Pockets
DES MOINES, IOWA-- Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders was so cold at last night's Iowa caucus site that he decided to keep his hands inside his own pockets and not someone…
New Groundhog Day Movie Stars Bernie Sanders As Candidate Who Never Gets Democrat Nomination
HOLLYWOOD-- A new Groundhog Day movie is in the works and will star Bernie Sanders as a socialist Vermont senator who has to repeatedly relive every day not getting the…
As Coronavirus Spreads, Biden Says Trump ‘Worst Possible Person’ To Keep America’s Bars Safe
WASHINGTON-- As China continues sending the world their best, Joe Biden lashed out at Donald Trump, calling the president the "worst possible person" for failing to protect America's alcohol. During…
Millions Of Beer Drinkers Panic As Corona Virus Spreads
ATLANTA, GEORGIA-- Health officials for the Centers for Disease Control and Alcohol Hangover Prevention (CDC) have been working overtime in a coordinated effort with Mexico and China over a Corona…
Ice Agents Arrest Speedy Gonzales Near US-Mexico Border
EL PASO, TEXAS-- Famous celebrity cartoon actor Speedy Gonzales was arrested on Saturday by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement's (ICE) Enforcement and Removal Operations (ERO) deportation officers after being tipped…
Miserable Bill Clinton Begs America To Please Elect Unemployed Hillary To Something, Anything
WASHINGTON-- Bill Clinton has recently launched a countrywide political tour in the hopes of getting his now unemployed wife, former secretary of state Hillary Clinton, elected to some form of…
Puerto Rico Officials Use Jedi Mind Trick To Distract From Unused Disaster Supplies
SAN JUAN, PUERTO RICO-- Officials in Puerto Rico have come together to use their mystical powers of persuasion as angry residents took to the streets after the discovery of unused…
