With Trump Gone, Stephen Colbert Forced To Work As Wacky Waving Inflatable Tube Man For Money
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- The Late Show host Stephen Colbert has recently picked up a part-time job working as a wacky arm-flailing inflatable tube guy to make extra cash,…
Biden Mandates That All Women Must Let Him Sniff Their Hair
WASHINGTON-- Immediately after virtue-signaling by getting his saline booster shot on live television, Joe Biden made the announcement that he will be imposing a federal mandate to force all American…
Justin Trudeau Promises To Be More Caring Dictator After Winning Totally Legitimate Election
OTTAWA, CANADA-- After winning Canada's most legitimate election in history in a landslide, Justin Trudeau gave a heartwarming acceptance speech promising citizens that he'll try to be a more sympathetic…
Biden Fires Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez After Mistaking Her For A Border Patrol Horse
WASHINGTON-- Joe Biden is getting both criticism and praise from Republicans after the world's most popular president fired every Border Patrol horse working for the government, including Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez…
An Impatient Joe Biden Hires Freddy Krueger To Vaccinate Hesitant People While They’re Sleeping
WASHINGTON-- Joe Biden has finally reached his breaking point in trying to politely inoculate millions of Americans against their will and has asked for the assistance of Hollywood bad guy…
Student Productivity Increases After Numerous Schools Replace Teachers With Mannequins
SPRINGFIELD, OREGON-- With so many teachers refusing to go back to work, numerous schools were forced to make the easy decision of hiring mannequins to replace the human educators thereby…
Biden Hires Hillary Clinton To Yell ‘What Difference Does It Make’ Whenever Asked About Afghanistan
WASHINGTON-- Resident Joe Biden has gone on the offensive against pesky news reporters who keep asking him questions about the fiasco in Afghanistan by hiring former Secretary of State Hillary…
Emperor Palpatine Mandates COVID Vaccine For All Citizens After Getting Full FDA Approval
CORUSCANT-- Emperor Palpatine has officially mandated the coronavirus vaccine after the Galactic Empire's Food and Drug Administration gave the injection the FDA's full stamp of approval, proving once and for…
Nancy Pelosi Orders Any Congress Members Refusing To Wear Masks To Stare Directly Into Her Eyes
WASHINGTON-- Speaker Nancy Pelosi has updated her mask mandate once again for House members after Republicans stated they wouldn't comply with threats of arrest by Capitol Police, saying that any…
Newly Unearthed: Over 2,000 Year Old Confucius Quote Telling Future Americans To Take COVID Vaccine
BEIJING, CHINA-- A never-before-seen quote from famed Chinese philosopher Confucius has been unearthed recently in Beijing, China, a discovery that the altruistic Chinese government hopes will encourage the remaining vaccine…
World’s Most COVID Vaccinated Man Says He Feels Great After Receiving 180 Shots Within Two Months
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA-- A man from California is making headlines recently after receiving his 180th COVID-19 vaccine shot within the last two months, saying that he's never felt better, healthier,…
Biden Builds Border Wall Around Florida To Keep Freedom-Loving Cubans Out Of The U.S.
WASHINGTON-- Joe Biden vowed to stop the sudden surge of freedom-seeking Cubans fleeing to the United States by building a large concrete border wall along the southern coast of Florida,…
