VATICAN CITY– In a decision condemned by some as papal hypocrisy, Pope Leo XIV has ordered the installation of large new signs along the Vatican City wall, boldly declaring in five languages: “Sorry, Illegal Immigrants: America’s That Way.” The move comes after months of the Pope lecturing the United States and President Donald Trump on the “moral imperative” of accepting unlimited illegal immigration, while Vatican City itself maintains a strict policy of deporting any non-citizen who so much as lingers near the Holy See’s marble walls.
When questioned about the apparent contradiction, a Vatican spokesman simply shrugged, saying, “Well, you see, the Pope’s message of love and acceptance is very nuanced. It’s like that old saying, ‘Do as I say, not as I do, especially if you’re a Venezuelan single mother with three kids.'”
The signs, which feature a stylized arrow pointing westward toward the Atlantic, are illuminated at night and reportedly cost the Vatican $1.2 million. Meanwhile, the Pope’s latest encyclical, “Open Hearts, Closed Borders,” argues that “the sacred duty of welcoming the stranger” applies only to nations with functioning economies and not to “tiny city-states with priceless art collections worth an estimated $15 billion.”
Critics have been quick to point out the stark contrast between the Pope’s outward pronouncements and the Vatican’s own stringent immigration policies, with Pope Leo being a vocal advocate for welcoming refugees and migrants into other nations.
In related news, the Swiss Guard has been armed with tear gas and flash grenades to deter any would-be asylum seekers, while Pope Leo reminded everyone that charity begins at home as long as it’s someone’s else’s home.
