TORONTO, CANADA– Tensions have been escalating in the Great White North as Canada geese, infamous for their territorial droppings, have filed a collective grievance against the Indian immigrant community for “poop squatting” on their traditional defecation grounds, such as sidewalks, streets, beaches, and across parks. The geese claim that the sudden influx of human feces has left them without a safe place to relieve themselves.
“We’re not asking for much,” said Gary Wadlow, lead goose in the complaint. “Just a patch of grass, a sidewalk corner, maybe a quiet beach spot without a human turd bomb every 10 feet. But no, these immigrants are pooping everywhere. It’s like those foreigners think they own the place!”
Local Canadian residents have confirmed the geese’s plight, describing scenes of utter chaos. “I saw a goose trying to poop on a bench, but an Indian guy just dropped his pants and took the spot,” said an anonymous woman for fear of her bank account being frozen. “The goose looked so frustrated. It honked angrily and flew away in a huff. I miss the days when us Canadians only had to worry about stepping in animal poop.”
The Indian immigrant community has remained defiant. “We came here for a better place to poop, a cleaner country to drop our turd biscuits,” said immigrant Raj Patel. “If the geese can poop wherever they want, why can’t we?”
In response, the Canadian government has proposed “Poop Zones,” designated areas where both geese and immigrants can defecate freely. Critics call it a “poop-based apartheid.”
Meanwhile, the Canada geese have taken to social media to demand equal access to public spaces for their droppings. “It’s time to reclaim our right as native Canadians to poop where we please and not have to worry about millions of immigrants pooping in our spaces!”
