WASHINGTON– During the recent high-stakes meeting with President Donald Trump to discuss the ongoing Russia-Ukraine war, UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, and French President Emmanuel Macron were caught on camera ransacking the White House in a frantic search for the lost bag of cocaine allegedly belonging to former President Joe Biden’s son Hunter Biden.
The strange incident began when the three leaders, who were recently accused of snorting cocaine during a European scandal, received word that Hunter Biden’s stash of coke might still be hidden somewhere in the White House. The jittery men became more agitated as they tore apart every room of the presidential house, not wanting the white powder to go to waste.
“Where the hell is it?” Starmer yelled as he searched through Melania’s panty drawer. “The only thing I see in here is disgusting women’s panties. Yuck, girl cooties. I don’t know about you, blokes, but I haven’t had a hit of the good stuff in over an hour. I’m shaking and losing control here. I’m going to need an extra snort of the Charlie powder after having to get this close to a female’s undergarments.”
While Trump was giving a three hour press conference, Zelenksy slithered around the floor in an effort to elude Secret Service, stuffing a few gold-plated utensils in his pockets to sell later. “I must find Mr. Hunter’s stash. I need every advantage I can get to keep this war going as long as possible.”
Back in Europe, the cocaine rumors began swirling once again, with Starmer, Macron, and Zelensky releasing statements promising they’ve never once taken cocaine. Not once.
