ALBANY, NEW YORK– Criminals in New York have been breathing a sigh of relief after pro-crime Democrat Kathy Hochul beat out Republican Lee Zeldin in the state’s very close gubernatorial race, with many lawbreakers celebrating the win by committing more rapes, robberies, and murders.
Many felons said they were worried that Zeldin was going to win and start getting tough on crime, saying they’re happy that they can continue destroying New York now that soft-on-crime Hochul is staying as governor.
While breaking into the home of a Democrat who voted for Hochul, two criminals told the homeowner that if Zeldin had won then maybe it would have discouraged them enough not to try and break into the house.
“It’s a good thing Kathy Hochul won, man, cause it looks like we’ll keep our jobs as criminals,” said one of the burglars as his partner-in-crime slaughtered the family and then stole the jewelry. “With the economy the way it is, I’d hate if a Republican became governor and I had to go out and get a real job.”
During a victory speech celebrating her win, Kathy Hochul thanked all the morons who voted for her as well as the enhanced voting machines and then bragged to reporters about how crime has increased even more since the midterm elections on Tuesday.
“I have three words for you New York: crime is back,” said Hochul proudly as the trained seals in the media clapped wildly. “No longer will our downtrodden criminals have to be ashamed of robbing, shooting, or stabbing a fellow New Yorker. I intend on improving all of New York by inundating rural areas with more murderers, drug dealers, and rapists.”
As her first order of business, Hochul sent armed police units house to house confiscating firearms before turning the weapons over to the state’s needy criminals.
