PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA– After John Fetterman very legitimately beat Dr. Oz in the race for Pennsylvania Senator without any fraud whatsoever, ecstatic liberals said that the newly elected Fetterman is the true face of the Democrat party and represents the typical Democrat voter in both body and brains.
While giving a victory speech with his soon-to-be senator wife by his side, the genius Fetterman thanked the rambunctious crowd of fellow intelligent people for voting for him and promised Pennsylvania citizens that he will prove to the world that Democrats are much smarter than Republicans.
“Uh, me, I, um, yeah, hi, goodnight, everybody,” said Fetterman as he drooled onto his wife’s head. “I, um, yeah, ya know, for Senator, uh, yeah, Oz, typical, yeah, I don’t do support fracking, um, yeah.”
Fetterman will now go on to sometimes show up on the Senate floor wearing a tasteful stained hoodie and cargo shorts in an effort to make all the Democrats who voted for him proud that every one of them are also John Fetterman.
“That, uh, Fetterman guy, man, he’s a smart guy,” said a random Democrat voter who admitted that he voted for Fetterman.
Not realizing yet that he had won the race, Fetterman said, “Uh, well, ya know, um, I support the fracking of babies. Yeah, um, ya know, typical Oz. I, uh, promise to, um, yeah, ya know, keep abortions legal for the oil industry. Yeah.”
After one of his aides informed him that he had actually won the race, Fetterman became enraged and then told the crowd of people that he demanded a recount.
