WASHINGTON– Former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi had a sobering moment after finally coming off of a 52-year-long alcoholic binge and realized that Joe Biden was not the best person for the job and therefore retracted her support for him as the Democratic nominee.
While giving a sober, coherent press conference, Pelosi went into full detail as to how she saw things different after giving up alcohol for a brief period of time.
“I couldn’t believe how terrible Joe really is,” said Pelosi in reference to seeing Biden through nonalcoholic eyes. “I’ve been drunk for the past five decades and I’ve been basically living a lie, being that I was too intoxicated to see what was really going on. And because of that I am officially retracting my endorsement of Biden for president.”
Pelosi went on to say that not only did being sober make her realize how extremely atrocious and senile Biden was, but also that her own life was a disgusting, corrupt, criminal mess.
After not being able to face the horrors of reality any long, Pelosi ended her thirty minute sobriety by locking herself inside a closet and getting loaded. Once she was drunk enough, she re-endorsed Joe once again.
