WASHINGTON– After Joe Biden’s dog Commander bit another member of the White House staff, the president decided to send his young German Shepherd pet to the Democrat’s favorite esteemed canine tester Dr. Anthony Fauci for obedience training.
“I know my dog, uh, what’s his name, is in good hands with Dr. Fauci,” said Biden in reference to sending Commander to Fauci’s chamber of horrors. “If I’ve told my dog once I’ve told him a thousand times, don’t bite anybody. That’s my job to bite people, Jack.”
According to Biden, Fauci has a lot of experience working with dogs throughout his entire medical career, including using canines as test subjects in numerous mad scientist experiments.
“Dr. Fauci comes well recommended by two of my old friends, Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy,” said Biden while Commander tried biting his way out of his cage to escape. “Now that I got that mutt out of the way, I can’t wait to sink my teeth into a nice femur or jugular vein.”
Dr. Fauci thanked Biden for entrusting him with his pet dog and told him not to worry because he’ll treat Commander just as well as he treated all those beagles he experimented on.
“Don’t worry, your puppy’s safe with me, President Biden,” said Fauci with a diabolical smile, sharpening some of his tools. “As soon as I get the meat tenderized and loosened up then that’s when the real training begins. When I’m through with your dog you won’t even recognize him.”
