NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK– After a major cocaine scandal rocked the White House, MSNBC came to Joe Biden’s defense and informed their audience that having a president who’s a senile, corrupt, cokehead in charge of the nuclear button is still much better than having Donald Trump in charge tweeting mean things and showing everyone his really orange skin.
MSNBC host Joe Scarborough promised Americans that they shouldn’t worry about the wasted Alzheimer’s President Biden launching a nuclear attack anytime soon because at least he’s not Trump.
“Having a senile cokehead for president is not that bad, there I said it,” said Scarborough with a straight face as his beady, little eyes squinted to stress his point. “Republicans are trying to scare people into thinking that Biden’s worsening dementia and having drugs stashed all over the White House is something to be concerned about, but I say at least he’s not Trump.”
Scarborough went on to say that sleepy, demented Biden holding the nuclear button in his hand is far less worrisome than having to deal with Trump’s little, orange fingers tweeting rude things at three in the morning.
“Thank your lucky stars that Biden’s keeping the nuclear button safe under his pillow at night,” added Scarborough. “I know I go to bed every night feeling safe knowing that a forgetful Biden is getting blasted with coke while in charge of our nuclear codes. There’s no way anything bad can come out of that.”
After Biden accidentally fell asleep on top of the nuclear button and destroyed half the world, MSNBC gave an emergency news program and said that people dying slowly from radiation poisoning is still much better than having Trump in the White House.
