WASHINGTON– Retiring Dr. Fauci has decided to take a break from his busy schedule of pushing the totally super-duper safe COVID vaccine by celebrating the Thanksgiving holiday with his extended family and Washington DC coworkers by cooking up his favorite meal of oven-baked beagle in puppy sauce.
Fauci said he spent the entire week preparing for the big Thanksgiving holiday by torturing a few more beagle puppies in an effort to get them as tenderized and juicy as possible for his hungry political guests on Thursday, which included President Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi.
“Cooked beagle is a longtime Fauci family tradition,” said Fauci as he basted the meat. “As everyone knows, Thanksgiving is a time to get together with family and friends and enjoy the succulent taste of cooked beagle while inoculating small children with the COVID shot while they’re strapped down to chairs.”
The dog-testing doctor urged Americans to give up their traditional Thanksgiving turkeys and football and give beagles and COVID jabs a try instead.
“You don’t know what you’re missing,” said Fauci in reference to eating dog meat. “What better way to dispose of all those mutts I had murdered than to serve them to my Democrat friends. At least we get a break from our usual pizza parties”
A few Democrats have actually condemned Fauci’s use of beagles for food, saying why should they settle for grisly, bony dog meat when there’s so many plump MAGA Republicans to feast on.
Impressed with his previously unknown culinary skills, the Food Network hinted that they’re in talks with Fauci to give him his own cooking show called Canine Cooking after his retirement.
