REHOBOTH BEACH, DELAWARE– In an effort to assess the damages done to the state of Florida by Hurricane Ian, Joe Biden immediately flew to his home in Delaware and began eating ice cream as news crews waited for the president’s official assessment.
“I’m here today, in the great state of California to get a better understanding of the damage done by Hurricane Lizzo,” said Biden as he shoved the ice cream up his nose to get a better taste. “I flew all the way down here to Michigan and this rude Republican Governor Harvey Weinstein can’t even be here to greet me.”
After wiping his ice cream mustache onto his shirt, Biden reached down and grabbed a wilted flower out of the cold ground and then held it up high into the air as camera crews snapped photos and reporters gasped.
“Because of climate change, this tsunami caused this flower to die, Jackie,” said Biden to a dead woman that only he was able to see. “Where’s Jackie? Oh nevermind, I guess maybe she’s busy going to Elvis Presley’s concert tonight.”
Due to the extensive damage caused by climate change on Delaware’s normal season changing flowers, Biden asked Congress to immediately send another $69 trillion to Ukraine, with another $500 billion to be sent right after just in case the other money mistakenly actually goes to Ukraine instead of into politician’s offshore bank accounts.
