BEIJING, CHINA– During a live execution of a foreign journalist covering the Olympic games in China, President Xi Jinping praised the authoritarian strategies of the Ottawa Police Department after a video surfaced of officers burning a few truckers to stay warm for the night.
President Xi said he had a huge smile on his face as he watched Ottawa police manhandle protestors who dared to question their totalitarian government and went on to offer the officers a job on China’s own police force.
“This is exactly how a government should handle insolent citizens who refuse to obey simple orders,” said Xi as he used Uyghur slaves as target practice. “I’m also quite impressed with the way Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is able to wield an iron fist of communism while at the same time running away with his tail between his legs.”
After one of his communist soldiers broke the leg of the top American ice skater, Xi added, “I’ll be using these videos showing the strategies of Canada’s police officers to teach my own police force how to better oppress citizens.”
The Ottawa chief of police thanked President Xi for his kind words and said that he takes great pride in hearing those compliments coming from the man who funds his bank account.
