WASHINGTON– Male Republican politicians have accused House Speaker Nancy Pelosi of spying on them while they frolicked inside the GOP locker room, saying they felt like they were being watched as they showered, dressed, and oiled each other down after flexing their bulging muscles.
Texas Senator Ted Cruz claimed on Thursday that he started noticing weird things happening inside the Republican shower and locker room, such as the sounds of a woman moaning and shutter sounds from a camera.
“I know this sounds strange, but I believe that House Speaker Pelosi has been spying on us men while we exercised in the nude,” said Cruz after unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt to expose his ripped chest. “I knew it was Pelosi once I heard her familiar voice from somewhere within the wall telling me to keep oiling down Senator Rand Paul’s thighs.”
After he finished doing a few bicep curls for the camera, Cruz added, “I felt like I was in the shower scene from the 1980’s movie Porky’s where the impassioned high school boys hid behind the shower wall while the girls washed themselves down. In our case, it was the boys being spied on by the girls.”
When pressed for comment, Pelosi denied the allegations by the Republican men that she’s been watching them while they exercised in the buff and said that it’s actually Ted Cruz and his cohorts of salacious GOP politicians that are infatuated with her.
“Good morning, Sunday morning,” said Pelosi as a photo of Cruz in a speedo fell out of her coat pocket. “Mr. Cruz has absolutely no proof whatsoever that I’ve spied on the Republican men while they oiled down their masculine physiques and then spotted each other as they squatted heavy weights and then flexed those big, bulging muscles. No, I don’t know what he’s talking about.”
