ONTARIO, CANADA– A serious state of emergency was declared this morning after Ontario’s rotund Premier Doug Ford got himself wedged between the doorway of his home while on his way out the door to physically remove the truckers from his province.
Emergency services responded to Ford’s home around 7 a.m. Friday morning after Ford’s wife phoned police telling them that her 400 pound husband accidentally got stuck while leaving the home to show the protesters who’s boss.
Ford’s wife explained that the premier usually lubricates the home door jambs before leaving every morning, but ran out of butter today being that he ate the last 8 pounds of it for breakfast.
While the fire department rushed to his home, Ford made the emergency declaration, saying, “At around seven in the morning I had an illegal occupation in my home after I became wedged within my own doorway due to the terrorist truckers daring to protest against our government’s innocent forced experimental medical injections.”
The oversized Ontario premier went on to say that he ran out of butter due to the truckers refusing to make deliveries, saying their illegal protest is also having an extremely horrible impact on his eating habits.
“I’m down to only eating ten meals a day,” said Ford in tears as numerous firemen hosed him down with a butter substitute to pry him out of the doorway. “If those freedom-challenged truckers don’t go home soon and start making their deliveries again I’ll probably lose even more weight. I was forced to eat the food out of my teeth last night just to get my tenth meal in.”
Once the first responders freed him from the doorway, a very hungry Ford ate one of the firemen to regain his strength and then proceeded to take a nap on the porch after expending all his energy standing within the doorway for thirty minutes.
